The Random Misadventures of the Tekken Crew
by Lord Nazgul
Summary: I'm back from the dead and ready to conclude with a pretty sucktastic chapter 15! Chapter is better, faster, and stronger than it ever was! Behold how weird my friend and I are! Also, review Chapter 11 so it won't feel bad about itself.
1. Smart, Reasonable Comedy Sort Of

The Random Misadventures Of The Tekken Crew  
Chapter 1: Smart, Reasonable Comedy...Sort Of  
  
Disclaimer: You probably know that I don't own Tekken. And I don't.

DUN DUN.........Movie Trailer guy voice From the man who brought you the critically acclaimed (not really) "Moving In"...in association with his friend Jason...comes a story...that is sure to win a zillion awards or more...and that is...really...really...random...and yet not all the way at the same time, but enough to call it "The Random Misadventures of the Tekken Crew"...about 3/4 random...read the damn story.

* * *

To say that Kazuya Mishima's morning ritual was like any normal person's would be completely out of line. For one thing, Kazuya has the devil gene, so that's not normal. Another thing is...his father owns a bear that dances and wears sneakers. Now that's not normal, that's just...weird.  
  
Anyway, Kazuya woke up, showered, brushed his teeth, shaved, dressed, and all that stuff, but as he was going down the stairs...he tripped and fell down the 3 flights of stairs of the Mishima compound. Kazuya landed in front of his son, Jin, who was on his way to school.  
  
"Dad? Are you okay?"  
  
Kazuya did not move.  
  
"Oh...MOM! DAD FELL DOWN THE STAIRS AGAIN!!" With that, Jin walked out the door and began his walk to school.  
  
As the door slammed, Jun Kazama entered the room.  
  
"Oh dear, not again!" Jun walked over to her fallen husband and dragged him into the kitchen, where his father, Heihachi, and adopted brother, Lee, were eating breakfast.  
  
"What did he fall over this time?" Lee asked, picking up the newspaper and beginning to read it.  
  
"Nothing that I could find, I believe he tripped over his own shoes..." Jun responded, hauling Kazuya into a chair and placing a cup of coffee in front of him. Kazuya blinked, saw the coffee, and immediately took the cup and guzzled it down. (No, he didn't eat the cup, moron.)  
  
"That's the stuff!" Kazuya exclaimed, standing up straight and tall, picking up his briefcase, and running out the door.  
  
Lee blinked, then tilted his head, then blinked again. "What the hell...were those a new pair of sneakers?"  
  
Heihachi responded to this statement by hitting Lee over the head with the rolled up newspaper. "Idiot."

* * *

If you thought that Jin wasn't being stalked by Xiaoyu, then you were WRONG. In fact, she's 12 feet behind him now.  
  
"What?"  
  
Shut up, Jin, you're not an important character. In fact, we're cutting away from you and leaving what happens to you up to the readers.  
  
"Assho--"

* * *

While on his way to work, sitting in the subway, Kazuya encountered the homicidal, soul-eating, psychopath known as Toshin.  
  
"Oh...hi...Toshin..."  
  
Toshin did not respond, but only acknowledged his presence with a simple nod. Kazuya persisted in trying to make conversation. "Lovely day, isn't it?"  
  
Toshin stared at Kazuya for a few seconds, before breaking the awkward silence, "Shut up." and starting the silence again.

* * *

Finally, someone who isn't in the Mishima family. Mokujin lay strapped to a table as a chainsaw was revved up in the backgrou--..................  
  
You know what? Let's go back to Kazuya and Toshin.

* * *

"Hey Toshin. Want to do something fun?"  
  
"...No."  
  
"Want to go get some food?"  
  
"I have evolved past your human food. I feed on the souls of the living, and feast on the flesh of your children!"  
  
Kazuya laughed childishly and punched Toshin's arm. "Stop that! You silly."  
  
"...Piss off."  
  
"But I'm having so much fun!"  
  
Toshin then proceeded to Plan B of Operation Shut Kazuya Up by decking him. As a severed-in-half Mokujin lie dead, he bore the words that were viciously carved into him by what had the hand writing of a seven-year-old mountain gorilla. "B.D. and F.J. forever"

* * *

But as Mokujin lie motionless in a pool of his own sap, a metallic version of his former self rose just like a true badass in a high budget sequence that cannot be shown in this story because I'm broke. (Hey. That sounds like a comic book. You know, guy dies and a new badass version of himself gets up and just decides he'll fight crime? Awesome.)  
  
As the new Mokujin (Tetsujin) moved to the exit, a strange slime that appeared to be Nickelodeon produced, spilt all over his new metallic form.  
  
From the shadowy shadows, Ashton Kutcher leapt out in front of him. "Ha! You just got PUNK'D!"  
  
Unknown to Kutcher, Testujin has an allergic response to Nickelodeon slime. Tetsujin began to burn, and he dropped to the floor twitching.

* * *

A/N: Well. Tell me what you guys think. Be nice. Don't make me come over there. I don't know what I'll do, but I'll come over there...with a bat. 


	2. I, References

** Chapter 2  
I, References  
  
A/N: I assume you know that you're reading "The Random Misadventures of the Tekken Crew" And I also assume that you know I don't own Tekken. I just own a copy of Tag and 4. I used to enjoy playing them, but now they just freeze and I write crappy fan fictions of them. Joy of unspeakable joys!  
By the way, this chapter is going to be filled with references. Hence the title. So, if you catch one reference, you don't get anything but shame and humiliation for only getting one. If you get 10 or more of the references, then you get a million points which you can trade in for tickets. Also, I'll just include the rest of the story with random references. So there.**

* * *

As Toshin and Kazuya sat in the subway train, it came to an abrupt stop. Kazuya quickly got up and looked around. "What happened, Toshin?"  
  
"It stopped, dumbass. What more do you want? Dick."  
  
"...I'm scared Toshin. Hold me." Kazuya walked towards Toshin with outstretched arms.  
  
"Man, you best back off. I'll eat your heart."  
  
"Come on, baby. Hold me tight."  
  
Toshin had had about enough Kazuya's odd behavior. So he decided the best thing to do would be to punch him down the subway door hallway thingies. Whatever. Anyway, he did that. Oh yes. He did...that activity.  
  
When Kazuya finally reached the front of the subway train, he saw a robot with a cap on was piloting the subway train. It wasn't moving.  
  
"Hey, what's your name little guy?" Kazuya said stupidly. "You're a darling robot! Come on! Say something compassionate!"  
  
"I run on the blood of foreigners!" The robot exclaimed.  
  
"...That's odd."

* * *

Yoshimitsu flew to his next victim's house with his new crazy bug wings. Aren't those crazy? Yeah. They are.  
  
Anyway, Yoshimitsu knocked on the door and waited for the man to open it.  
  
"Burglar! I'd like to come in and steal a few things!"  
  
Yoshimitsu stood and tapped his foot, checked his watch, whistled, and put on a ski mask. Slowly, the door opened and old man emerged.  
  
"Yoshimitsu?" Heihachi asked.  
  
"Eh! Uh! No! I don't know who this Yoshimitsu is...other human guy...Yoshimitsu wouldn't rob you a second time..."  
  
"Really."  
  
"Yeah! He's too smart and cool for that! He's...eh...dammit...Oh well. Time for Plan B. Throw a smoke bomb and fly off, not harmed by bullets but somehow harmed by human hands while in the ring!"  
  
With that, Yoshimitsu let out his maniac scream (you know, "Eyoh!"), threw a smoke bomb, and flew off.  
  
"Bastard." Heihachi shook his head and went back inside the Mishima compound.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the subway...  
  
"I heard something about the blood of foreigners..." Toshin said, walking to the front of the subway.  
  
"I run on the blood of foreigners!" The robot yet again exclaimed.  
  
Kazuya pointed to the robot. "Yeah, that."  
  
"That's crazy..."  
  
"Dude, you feed off the souls of the living--"  
  
"Don't forget the flesh of your children!"  
  
"...Whatever. Anyway, we need to find a way to start this subway train. I need to get to work. And you probably have souls to eat."  
  
"Right. Hey, I've got an idea! Let's complain to the author for help!"  
  
"Okay! LORD NAZGUL!!! Help us, dammit!"  
  
After that, I walked up looking extremely disheveled and tired, also wearing a robe and slippers, carrying a cup of coffee. "...What?" "Can you start the train?"  
  
"Fine." So, yes. I started the train. I started their damn train. And then I left. (The author apologizes for appearing in his own fanfiction.)  
Kazuya, in an effort to break the silence, decided to make a stupid comment. "I like your headdress, Toshin."  
  
Toshin responded with a glare and a kick to the groin.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jin and Hwoarang were in Hwoarang's room, each holding action figures. (What kind? I don't care. Pick.)  
  
"Say what again!" Hwoarang shouted. "Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you! Say what one more goddamn time!"  
  
"He's b-b-black..." Jin said.  
  
"Go on!"  
  
"He's bald..."  
  
"Does he look like a bitch?!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Pow!" Hwoarang shouted, imitating a gun. "Does he look like a bitch?!"  
  
"...I don't think I wanna play Quentin Tarantino theater no more..." Jin said.  
  
"Oh, you're no fun anymore!" Hwoarang said, throwing the action figure he was holding down and stomping off.

* * *

Now outside, Hwoarang spotted Julia. "Hey, Julia."  
  
"Sorry, Hwoarang, can't talk now, gotta get to class." With that, Julia began to walk off.  
  
"I want you inside of me!" Hwoarang shouted.  
  
"What?" Julia asked, confused.  
  
"Oh, hey what's up? I was just..." Hwoarang trailed off.  
  
"Whatever." Julia walked off, muttering "Weird..."

* * *

A happily free-from-the-subway-and-Kazuya Toshin was walking along the street, looking for fresh souls. That totally sounds weird.  
  
"Hi Toshin!" A loud, annoying, high-pitched voice shouted from behind him. (Guess who it is. Come on, guess!)  
  
Xiaoyu, chewing gum, stood behind him. "Have you seen Jin lately?"  
  
"I hope you die. I hope you die first." Toshin said.  
  
"Wanna come meet my grandpa?" Xiaoyu said. (I know, it doesn't seem possible that someone is this stupid. But she is now.)  
  
"...He spry?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Hey Grandpa, are you spry?" Xiaoyu asked, arriving at Wang Jinrey's home.  
  
As Wang and Xiaoyu had a conversation, Toshin robbed them and left.  
  
"What?...Aww...I was gonna ask Toshin if he knew where Jin was..."  
  
"That son of a bitch robbed me! Oooh...if I weren't old...I'd...I'd...I'd do something!" Wang said defiantly.

* * *

Jun sat in front of the T.V., flipping channels where she came upon an ad.  
  
"Mokujin woods, made from the finest Mokujins." The ad said, showing images of wood tables and chairs.  
  
Tetsujin stood in the doorway, staring at the T.V.  
  
"DAMN YOU MOKUJIN WOODS!!!" He yelled, shaking his fists at the sky.

* * *

**A/N: If you want to know each reference, just e-mail me. Tell me what you think!**


	3. Mokujin Woods

**Chapter 3: Mokujin Woods  
  
A/N: Wow, you're still reading this? Very well, then. You get a pie! Yay! Oh! And for you low-carb dieters, you get a low-carb pie! Yay again!**  
  
**Disclaimer: I bet you know by now that I don't own Tekken.**

* * *

Remember when I said I'd leave what happens to Jin up to you, the readers? Well, I already went back on that last chapter. Whatever happened in your crazy minds, he ended up at Hwoarang's house, and now he's in his own house.  
  
Jin Kazama sat in his room, listening to his damn dirty commie rock music. Of course, Kazuya Mishima could not have any long-haired, sloppy, teen rock music in his house, so he decided he'd get his bat and smash Jin's CD player.  
  
"...Your music sucks." Kazuya said, entering Jin's room.  
  
"Your MOM's music sucks!" Jin said, snickering loudly and very, if I may say, stupidly.  
  
"My mother is your grandmother, Jin. And she's dead."  
  
"...Um....weren't you at work?"  
  
Kazuya looked at his watch. "Oh, shit!" Kazuya was gone.  
  
"Ha! Jin Kazama wins again!" Jin said proudly...before falling out of his chair and really hurting his back. You know, that kind of back pain when you fall and then it really really bugs you for a few days? That kind.

* * *

Jun and Tetsujin watched the T.V. as Kazuya ran around, trying to get back to work.  
  
"Pardon me for asking, Mr. Tetsujin, but aren't you going to go get revenge on Mokujin Woods?"  
  
"...I'll get someone else to do it. Maybe that big crazy green guy--"  
  
Right at that moment, Toshin leaped through the wall leaving a Toshin shaped hole. "Someone call for me?"  
  
"Actually, I was referring to Godzilla, but you work, too."  
  
"Oh...well....what do you want me to do?"  
  
"I want you to demolish Mokujin Woods."  
  
"Mokujin Woods? That's an awfully tough assignment...I'll need other people for human shields–I mean, help."  
  
"...It's only a bloody wood shop..."  
  
"NEVER MIND THAT. I must put up fliers and such!" And with that, Toshin left another Toshin shaped whole in the wall.

* * *

Kazuya, Jin, and Yoshimitsu stood at attention as Toshin paced around in front of them, thinking to himself that he should have taken Mokujin Woods himself instead of hiring these dumbasses.  
  
"...Toshin?" Kazuya asked.  
  
"Shut up." Toshin responded. "What's Yoshimitsu doing here, anyway? The flier said "Evil Army."  
  
"Well, if you've noticed, which I'm sure you have, Yoshimitsu's eyes have gotten drastically bigger since the last Tournament. His eyes went from normal to giant green spheres. Therefore, his eyesight is very bad. He probably should have killed everyone at the last Tournament, seeing as how he has a sword glued to his hand and he's decked out in armor. However, his eyesight was so bad, he killed one of the judges."  
  
"...You got judges?"  
  
"One. But Yoshimitsu killed him."  
  
"...Why did you say "one of the judges" then? That means more than one."  
  
Kazuya shrugged his shoulders. Toshin was about to do something like slap Kazuya, when a young girl walked up, followed by a gang of strange creatures.  
  
"Hi! I'm Asuka Kazama, and this is the gang of Pokemon."  
  
".............................................."  
  
".............................................."  
  
"Piss off, Tekken 5 isn't done yet. And take the damn Pokemon with you. That's too weird, even for this fanfiction." Said the angry monster (Toshin).  
  
"Fanfiction? What are you talking about?" Jin asked, puzzled.  
  
"CUT!" yelled two disembodied voices.  
  
"Toshin, you're not supposed to know this is a fanfic dumbass, and even though you are right about it being too weird for this fanfic, you just don't tell people about it!" One of the angry voices said.  
  
"Yeah, Toshin. You suck. If you weren't a major character, your ass would be FIRED." The other angry voice said.  
  
"Wait, who the Hell are you guys?" Toshin asked, bewildered.  
  
"We're the writers of this fanfic. LN already made an appearance, so we appearing ourselves would ruin the small amount of subtlety we have for this fanfic. In fact, this is ruining it. Now shut up." Jason, the co- writer, said.  
  
"As for Asuka and the gang of Pokemon...Asuka, Tekken 5 isn't done yet, so you technically don't exist. And as for the Pokemon....I hate that show. Toshin, do you have any idea how they got here?" LN asked, exasperated.  
  
Toshin was currently eating most of the Pokemon.  
  
"Dude...you suck."  
  
Toshin came to his Toshin-like senses. "Man, you've pissed me off. Now I have to go all crazy like, and have a snake for an arm...and spit FIRE."  
  
"Yeah, I was wondering, what's up with that snake for an arm thing? Do you feed it, or what?" Kazuya jutted in.  
  
"Well...you have to understand that when I was a boy everyone was doing drugs...and look what happens when you grow up. This just shows that if you smoke stuff, you could end up with a weird snake arm and spit fire out of your lion head."  
  
"......................This guy is insane...let's KILL HIM!!!"  
  
"YEAH!!" Everyone who wasn't a disembodied voice agreed.  
  
With that, everyone took off after Toshin, except for Yoshimitsu, who ran in the opposite direction.

* * *

Heihachi walked outside to get the newspaper, when he saw Toshin running away from Kazuya, Jin, the new girl from Tekken 5, and a gang of Pokemon. "...I hate that show." He said, referring to the Pokemon.  
  
Heihachi walked inside his house, seeing that Lee was rolling around in large piles of money.  
  
"...Boy, have you been in the safe again?"  
  
"No, dad! I sold Combot to Honda! You know that walking robot they used to have in their commercials? Well all it does is walk, and no one really wants a walking robot any more. They want one that can fight! So now instead of all those crappy 'walk walk walk' commercials they are going to have Combot fight a Honda Acord. Pretty neat." Lee responded gleefully.  
  
"...Really? You finally did something smart for once."  
  
"Yeah! And uh...I sold something else too."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Promise you won't get mad?"  
  
Heihachi put his right hand behind his back and crossed his fingers. "Promise." He said with a smirk.  
  
"...I sold Kuma to animal cosmetics testing."  
  
"..........................Hold on." Heihachi walked off, leaving a blinking Lee alone. Heihachi walked back, holding something behind his back.  
  
"...That's a bat, isn't it, dad?"  
  
"Yep." With that (Shit, I need to stop saying that), Heihachi promptly began to beat his adopted son with the bat.

* * *

Meanwhile, Tetsujin decided that Toshin was too dumb to take down Mokujin woods, so he went to do it himself. When he arrived at the address listed on the commercial, he found nothing there.  
  
"What? Where's Mokujin Woods?" Tetsujin asked, bewildered.  
  
A woman with a grocery cart stopped and stared at him. "Mokujin Woods is based in America."  
  
"...DAMN YOU MOKUJIN WOODS!!"

* * *

**A/N: Well, Dearthafire, I hope I appeased you. If I did, you get a cookie. And a zillion points. NOW EVERYONE MUST REVIEW!!!**


	4. Free Kuma!

**

* * *

Chapter 4: Free Kuma!**

**To my reviewers: I know this fic is way too random, and that it has no consistency in any way, shape, or form in the way of plot...you get a cookie for enjoying this.  
**  
**Disclaimer: The only Tekken games I own are Tag and 4, and Tag won't work anymore, so therefore, I don't own any GOOD Tekkens that work.**

* * *

Heihachi had recently set out on his quest to retrieve Kuma from animal testing. He came upon a building that was an incredible 48 feet from his front step. When he entered, he saw a robotic receptionist.  
  
"Hello, may I speak to whoever is in charge here?" Heihachi politely asked.  
  
"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."  
  
"Um...I'm not Dave...and why not?"  
  
"Oh! Um...sorry, I thought you were someone else. 2nd floor, sir."  
  
"...Thanks..." Heihachi responded, backing up towards the elevator. After a few steps, he broke into an all out run for the elevator and began pressing buttons madly. Since he was so old, his lungs gave out on him, so he was knocked out for the next two hours.  
  
During this time, people still boarded the elevator, completely oblivious to the passed out (or dead) old man lying on the floor. Heihachi woke up after the two hour period, Heihachi got up and walked out of the elevator, only to find Dr. Boskonifivliven? Come on. No one knows how to spell his name. Well, they do. I'm just too lazy to type it. And that's for comedic effect anyway.  
  
Anyway, Dr. Boskonogollopelerlerler..."Dr. B" was trying to force Kuma to do something he didn't want to do.  
  
"Alright, now come on. Put the boxing gloves on..." Dr. B said, shoving the boxing gloves at Kuma.  
  
Kuma just growled and shoved the gloves away from him.  
  
"What the Hell are you doing to my bear?!" Heihachi shouted.  
  
"What? You'll never take the bear alive!" Dr. B shouted, running to the nearest window and leaping out of it.  
  
Heihachi blinked twice. on Kuma." The bear bent down on all fours and walked with Heihachi through the street.  
  
Now on the street, Heihachi and Kuma walked happily, as crowds of people screamed and ran away at the sight of a bear just walking around. Animal control was called, helicopters whooshed around in the air, and news reporters lined the streets.  
  
At this moment, Kuma's instincts kicked in and he ran off into the woods, roaring and knocking people away.  
  
"Go, Kuma! Be free! Free!" Heihachi shouted. "...Oh wait, I need you so I can threaten Lee when we get home...wait, Kuma!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Yoshimitsu had wandered to a desert island, and had magically regained his eyesight. "...Oh, this figures! Once I regain my eyesight, I'm stuck on a desert island!" Yoshimitsu kicked the sand.  
  
"Oh! Someone's here! Finally, I have some company!" A voice from the shadows said. A man emerged, wearing torn up clothes, having a long beard, covered in sand, and carrying a porno with a face drawn on it. It was Bryan Fury. "I finally have some company! Give me a hug, friend!"  
  
"................................." Yoshimitsu flew away, never to return.  
  
"Oh, damn! At least you understand me, Sapphire..." Bryan said, cuddling the dirty magazine.

* * *

While flying, Yoshimitsu lost his eyesight yet again. When it was regained, he found himself on a plane. He looked around, confused. "What the Hell am I doing here?" He got up out of his seat, only to find a bloody man with a glass of whiskey standing in the aisle.  
  
"Great party, isn't it?" The man said, raising his glass. (If you catch that reference, you get not one, but TWO cookies!)  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get out of the way, I gotta go to the bathroom." Yoshimitsu said, shoving the man aside.  
  
The man blinked twice, then shrugged, taking a swig from his glass.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kazuya, Jin, Asuka, and the gang of Pokemon were still in hot pursuit of Toshin...even though Tekken 5 is still in development. During this time, Jun joined the pursuit to ask her son a question.  
  
"Jin? Can I ask you something?" Jun asked, running alongside him.  
  
"Sure." Jin replied.  
  
"Hmm...how can I put this in terms you'd understand...does mommy's milkshake still bring all the boys to the yard?"  
  
".........................................................................."  
  
"...I'll just ask Kazuya when you boys get home, okay? Don't stay out too late!" Jun said, running back in the direction of her house.

* * *

Heihachi's pursuit of Kuma led him deep into the woods. In the distance, he thought he heard a banjo playing "Dueling Banjos." This made Heihachi very wary, and he pulled a Sub-Machine Gun (SMG) from his pocket. As he journeyed farther into the woods, he encountered a small, beat-up cabin. Three hillbillies sat in chairs on the deck, one of them playing a banjo. Next to them was his prized bear.  
  
"Give me my bear back!" Heihachi shouted, raising his SMG.  
  
"We're likin' this here bear...n'." One of the hillbillies said, pulling out a shotgun.  
  
"Uh, you have a shotgun...and I have a SMG, which clearly rivals your redneck weapons...in your terms, Thisn' SMG be bettered 'en 'er boomstick."

"Oh, I almost forgetted, I gots me this new fangled lazeer gun." The redneck said, pulling out a huge energy gun. "And my buddies be havin' those..." One of the hillbillies pulled out a rocket launcher, and the other one a pointed stick.

"...No faaiiiirrrr..." Heihachi whined.  
  
At that moment, Toshin, followed by Kazuya, Jin, and the gang of Pokemon.  
  
"Where's Asuka?" Toshin asked, puzzled.  
  
"She said something about needing to add more moves to her movelist or something." Kazuya responded. Just then, he noticed Heihachi, Kuma, and the hillbillies. "What the HELL is going on here?!" He shouted.  
  
"They've taken Kuma!" Heihachi yelled.  
  
"What?! We must act!" Kazuya pulled out two SMGs from nowhere, along with virtually everyone else, except the hillbillies; even Kuma managed to hold two SMGs.  
  
At this moment, everyone began blasting the crap out of everything they saw. When the battle was done, only Kazuya, Jin, Toshin, Heihachi, and Kuma were left.  
  
"Come on guys. Let's go home!" Kazuya shouted. For some odd reason, they all laughed and began their walk home, heading into the sunset.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the plane, Yoshimitsu walked out of the bathroom, past the creepy old guy, and sat down in his seat, finding Tetsujin next to him. "Tetsujin? What are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm going to take down Mokujin Woods." Tetsujin responded. "This plane is headed for America."  
  
"OH. MY. GOD." Yoshimitsu responded. "What am I going to do NOW?!!!"

* * *

**A/N: This is by far my favorite chapter. But enough about what I think, I don't want to control this relationship. Tell me what you all think! R and R!**

**This fanfiction does not advocate the overthrow of any government.**


	5. And Now For Something Completely Differe...

**Chapter 5: And Now For Something Completely Different  
  
To my readers and reviewers: I'll mail you the cookies and the pies and the other culinary delights I've been promising. Also, this chapter is going to focus on one family, the Mishima/Kazama family. Hence the title. Also, it's going to be loosely based off the Shining. Hooray!  
  
Disclaimer: Look at chapters 1-4 to find out.**

**Warning: This chapter is long, and it's suck factor increases towards the end. **

* * *

As Kazuya drove home, he contemplated his crazy day at work. Tekken Force members raiding the office, unaware that where Kazuya worked was where they worked. Stupid, stupid, men.  
  
"I need a vacation." Kazuya said.

* * *

Kazuya burst open the Mishima door. "Family! Come forth, I have gotten us a private hotel!"  
  
(Audience claps)  
  
Kazuya slowly turned to face the audience, a look of horror on his face. "...I'm gonna get the gun..."  
  
"Oh, Kazuya! You're home!" Jun said, hugging her husband.  
  
(Audience Claps)  
  
"Ah!! There it is again!!!" Kazuya shouted, pulling out a shotgun and firing randomly. The audience screamed and ran away.  
  
"Oh, honey...you shot at the audience again!" Jun exclaimed.  
  
"CUT!!" A director said, walking in. "God dammit, don't break the fourth wall down!" The director said, slapping Jun. "Do it again!!"  
  
**3  
  
2  
  
1  
  
(You know, in that circle, camera/movie motion? Yeah, you know.)**

* * *

Kazuya walked inside his house. "Family! Come forth, I have gotten us a private hotel!"  
  
"Oh, that's wonderful!" Jun said, hugging him.  
  
"I know." Kazuya said. "...Let's go."

* * *

As Kazuya, Jun, and Jin sat in the car, Jun decided to pester them. "I know! Let's all sing a song!" Jun exclaimed.  
  
"...Honey?" Kazuya asked.  
  
"Yes, dear?" Jun responded.  
  
"Stop."  
  
"...Okay." Jun said, pouting.  
  
"It's a beautiful place, you and Jin will love it."  
  
"I hope so!" Jun said.  
  
"You know what? I'm gonna write a book."  
  
"...I love you!"  
  
"...Jun, how many times have I told you that ecstacy doesn't solve anything?"  
  
"........I love you."  
  
".....................Right."

* * *

When the family entered, Lee greeted them in his tuxedo. "Lee? What are you doing here?" Kazuya asked.  
  
"I need money. That Combot thing didn't work out. They said he sucked and looked like he was built out of K'Nex and Legos."  
  
"Heheheh...he sure does."  
  
"...I hate you." Lee turned to Jun and Jin with a smile. "Come on! I'll show ya around!" With a falsely happy grin on his face, he spun on his heel and led them around the house. I'd go into detail, but that's dumb and boring. So, I'll just show you three rooms.  
  
"Here is the master bedroom..." Lee said, pointing to a cozy looking room with a big bed. "And here is Jin's room..." Lee said, pointing to a room with several masked men holding axes and a bed with spikes.  
  
"...Um...can I have a diff–"  
  
"AND LASTLY...we have the Room Of Terror And Suffering." He opened a door, revealing a staircase to Hell, where screams and cries of pain of the damned filled the hallways. Lee closed the door and turned to the Mishima/Kazama family. "So! What do you think?"  
  
"........Isn't that last room a little...dangerous?" Jun asked, nervous.  
  
"Nonsense! The damned know that if they leave, they get a severe beating."  
  
"...That doesn't help much."  
  
"...The walls and door are sound-proofed."  
  
"Okay!" Jun replied, happily.  
  
"Oh! And I almost forgot, this hotel was built on an Indian Burial ground, so the place is likely to be haun–"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, let's settle in! WHOO!!" Kazuya yelled, running into his room to leap on the bed, but leaping over it and falling.  
  
"...Yeah." Lee turned to Jun and Jin. "I'll see you two later. I'm gonna go masturbate." With that, Lee walked off. (A/N: Yay! References that you don't get!)  
  
Jun looked at Jin and said. "Jin, do you get influence from your Uncle?"  
  
"...No?"  
  
"Okay! I'm gonna go make cookies!" Jun skipped off, towards Kazuya's room.  
  
"...Uh...that's the wrong...oh....EWWWW..." Jin said, utterly disgusted.  
  
As Jin walked down the halls, he encountered two little girls. "Come play with us. Forever...and ever...and ever."  
  
"...'Kay." Jin said. "Anywhere's better than spending time with my two psycho parents."  
  
"...And ever...and ever..." On each, "And ever" the girls changed to freaky zombie things.  
  
"Holy shit! You're zombies! I got your play time right here..." Jin pulled out two SMGs and shot up the area that the two girls were. "Yeah..." Jin said when he was done.

* * *

Jun walked around the hotel, carrying a bat for no damn reason. "Kazuya? Kazuya? Have you finished your book?" Jun bent over a stack of papers left on the type writer. On every page, it said "All work and no play make Kazuya a dull boy" over and over and over again. Without any periods, too!  
  
"Come on, Jun. Give me the bat." Kazuya said, appearing out of nowhere.  
  
"No!! You used improper grammar!" Jun said, backing up the steps. "And you'll hurt me with it!"  
  
"I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just gonna bash your fucking brains in!!" At that moment, Kazuya fell down the stairs. "Aw crap! Shit! Fu–" and Kazuya was knocked out.  
  
"Uh-oh...my hubby's gone crazy!...Well, he was always a little insane...but now he's even more insane!" Jun said, distressed.  
  
Apparently, Jun decided that locking Kazuya in an icebox would heal him. But since she couldn't find one, she just locked him in Jin's room. Bad idea.

* * *

Jin was currently on his way to the elevator, searching desperately for a new room. At the end of the hallway, leading to the elevator, he saw the doors open, and a red liquid spilled out.  
  
"Ahh!! Gatorade!!!" Jin yelled, as he turned to run away, but became enveloped in the pulpy, red liquid.

* * *

Kazuya got up after being unconscious for one minute. He checked his surroundings, seeing the sleeping axe men. "Hmm...I'm in Jin's room." At that moment, he heard an annoying buzzing. "...I hate flies." Kazuya snatched an axe from one of the men and began swinging violently. After only two minutes of swinging, he had managed to kill all the guards, and chop down the door. "Ah!! You are a worthy adversary, you cunning fly!" He said, crazily.

* * *

Bruce entered the hotel, looking for somewhere to stay. How he could afford a hotel, I don't know, since he's too poor to buy a new car. He was stuck with his snow mobile.  
  
"Hello? Is anyone he–" At that moment, Kazuya ran around the corner and swung his axe into Bruce's chest. "AHHH!!! HOLY SHIT!!!" Bruce yelled, bleeding profusely.  
  
"Oh! Sorry, man. I was just trying to kill this damn fly." Kazuya said, taking the axe out of Bruce's chest. "You don't mind if I leave you here, do you?" Bruce did not respond. "Okay, see you later." With that, Kazuya walked off.

* * *

Jun walked around a house, carrying a knife for no reason. (She really likes carrying weapons around for no reason, doesn't she?) "Jin? Jin? Come on, we're leaving, your father's crazy!" Jun checked in the pantry, then walked in and shut the door. "Anyone in here?"  
  
At that moment, Kazuya chopped open the door, much to Jun's dismay. "Heeeereee's Johnny!" Kazuya said, then started laughing. "I always wanted to say that. By the way, I finally killed the fly."  
  
"Oh...honey...you're not that crazy anymore...well. Yeah you are. Let's find Jin, okay?"  
  
"Alright. I'll check outside. You keep searching the house." With that, Kazuya left.

* * *

Jin went outside, discovering it was snowing. "It is snowing..." Jin said, stupidly stating the obvious.  
  
"Hey, fu–"  
  
Shut up. Quit breaking the 4th wall down.  
  
"Fine."

* * *

Kazuya walked around the hotel, and hit his leg on a metal bar that was sticking out. "Ow!! Who leaves things like this lying around?!" He yelled, and then promptly limped off.

* * *

Jun ran around the hotel, looking in several doors. Many of them she said "Oops, sorry!" too. One of them involved a Bear and a British guy. The next door, however, completely scared the crap out of her. When she opened the door, she saw True Ogre grilling a human head. He tossed it up once or twice with the spatula, but on the third time, he dropped it and picked it up by it's hair. He looked up, noticing a horrified Jun.  
  
"...What?" He said.  
  
"Ahhh!!!!!" Jun ran off, screaming.  
  
"...None of you have any taste." True Ogre said, returning to his grilling.

* * *

Outside, Kazuya limped after his son. "Jin!!! Jinny boy!!!! I'm comin'!!!"  
  
"Don't call me that!" Jin's distant voice called back.  
  
"...Man...it's fucking cold out here."

* * *

Jun walked outside, packing Kazuya's car. Jin was already inside. "Jin? Have you seen your father?"  
  
"Frozen a couple feet that away." Jin pointed. Where he pointed, Kazuya sat in the snow.  
  
"Jin?! What did I tell you about telling lies?!!" He yelled.  
  
"...Sorry, dad..."  
  
"Sorry's not good enough!" Kazuya promptly began to strangle his son.  
  
"Buckle your seatbelts everyone!" Jun said, completely oblivious to the abuse.

* * *

**A/N: We'll get back to Tetsujin and everyone else next chapter. I warned you about this chapter. Now R&R, or I'll eat your souls!**


	6. Even I Don't Know What's Going On Anymor...

1**Chapter 6: Even I don't know what's going on anymore!**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Tekken. But thanks for asking, fellas.**

**To my reviewers: Holy crap, you actually liked the last chapter...you get more culinary delights!...In a year!**

Kuma lay behind the couch, dreaming great dreams. But forget about him. There'll be more on him later. Kazuya sat on the couch, nursing his leg. "Goddamn, I wish people wouldn't just leave metal pipes around..."

"How are you doing, honey?" Jun asked, coming to sit by him.

"...Be gone, woman! I'm watching T.V."

"Why can't you call me Fluffy like you used to?!" Jun asked, upset.

"...I never called you that."

"Oh yeah, that was someone...else...um..." Jun trailed off.

"YOU BITCH!!!" Kazuya shouted, waking Kuma. Kuma roared. "You woke up the bear!! Why did you do that?!!" (A/N: Yay, a reference you might get!)

Kuma stomped over to the couch, opened his jaw slowly, and picked up Jun. Then he stomped off.

"No!!!" Kazuya reached out for Jun...then decided he'd wait a little while. "Eh, she'll be fine. She's an outdoor woman." A little Devil popped up on Kazuya's shoulder.

"That's right! Watch more T.V. You know the whore's not worth it." The Devil said.

"...Isn't there supposed to be an Angel over here?" Kazuya pointed to his other shoulder.

"...You're Kazuya Mishima, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then no." (A/N: YAY! More references! Okay, last time I do this.)

"...Well...Jun's my wife, I–"

"You want to go to Hell?! Huh?! Do you?!!"

Kazuya narrowed his eyes, and with a flick of his finger, the tiny Devil flew off his shoulder and into the fan. The fan was spinning, okay?!

"AHHH!! THE FAN!! You'll pay for this Mishim–"And the Devil was no more.

In the forest, Kuma carried Jun in his teeth. Halfway into it, he sat her down. "Jun...I have a confession to make."

Jun gasped. "You can talk?!"

"Well, that too...but...I'm not really a bear."

"Then what are you?"

Kuma found a zipper on his back and pulled it down, revealing...Ganryu. "I'm Ganryu."

"Oh my..." Jun said, a dramatic organ playing in the background. "Stop that!" She yelled. The organ stopped playing.

"The real Kuma is still running amuck in the forest."

"Why did you pretend to be my father-in-law's bear?"

"Well, I was so depressed after Michelle broke up with me–"

"You were never–"

"Shut up. Anyway, I was so sad I thought life would be easier as a person in a bear costume."

"That makes no se–"

"I said shut up! Anyway...that's my story depressing story. I'm off to get fat again. AWAY!!" Ganryu flew off.

"...Okay." Jun walked off, seemingly not surprised by Ganryu's ability to fly.

Meanwhile, Bryan was still on the island.

Tetsujin and Yoshimitsu got off their flight and entered an American airport. Since the Americans weren't used to seeing walking, talking, metal training dummies, and psychotic cyber ninjas not wearing spiffy hats, they ran around screaming. And for some reason, Lei was there.

"Fweese!" Lei yelled, whipping out his gun and shooting Yoshimitsu, the shell bouncing off his armor.

"Hey, man. That wasn't cool." Yoshimitsu said. He let out his maniac scream and tried to throw his sword at Lei, but realized it was glued to his hand. "...Ah, shit."

"Hahaha! Fweese!" Lei yelled, firing a second round. This time, the bullet ricocheted off Yoshimitsu's armor and headed for Lei's forehead.

"What?" Lei managed to say before the bullet hit him in the balls. "What the Hell?! You said it was going for my forehead!" Lei yelled in a high-pitched voice.

I changed my mind. Deal with it.

"How the Hell will I deal with it, man?! I–" The very second he said that, Lei was struck by lightning.

Kazuya and Jun sat on the couch, watching a crappy reality T.V. show.

"Alright, you guys! We're going to tie cinder blocks on your feet, drop you in a 100 foot tank of water, and surround you with starved sharks. The one who lives...gets a dollar." The T.V. blared.

"Ooh, this is going to be good." Jun said, when Toshin walked inside, carrying a human head.

"...Oh...Toshin...that's a...that's a head you got there...that's a...a human on Jun!" Kazuya grabbed Jun by the arm and limped off to the kitchen, dragging her along.

"Oh, dear...that's awful." Jun whispered. "The poor man whose head Toshin has..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get him the Hell out of here." Kazuya whispered back.

In the living room, Toshin checked outside, peering through the blinds. "By the way, I'm on the run. The cops are chasing me 'cause I ripped this guy's head off, ya see?"

"Oh, yeah, we know!" Kazuya called back. "The guy's nuts."

"I know, but what should we do?"

"I don't know..."

Toshin sat on the couch in the living room, channel surfing. Jin ran down the stairs. "Mom?! Mom?!!" Jin turned to see Toshin. "Oh, hey man."

Toshin dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "Go away."

"...Well, I was looking at my friend's online journal, and she was all 'My parents don't understand me!' And I was all 'I totally know!' so I told him all about how Xiaoyu's stalking me, and how we had to get, like, 10 restraining orders..."

Toshin's eye twitched violently. "Do you intend to tell me every damn detail of your day?"

"Why, yes." Jin said.

Toshin stood up and walked towards the door. He stopped and turned around. "Mishima! Kill this boy! A pox be upon your house!" And he was gone.

Tetsujin and Yoshimitsu stood in front of Mokujin Woods. Tetsujin walked towards the building, while Yoshimitsu walked in the opposite direction, again blinded. As Tetsujin neared the building, he found a sign on the door, and the lights turned off. "Moved to New York!" the sign said.

"What?! That's almost the same joke!" Tetsujin yelled, infuriated.

Deal with it man, I ran out of ideas. Except for this one!

"...What?"

...End!

**A/N: Well, there you have it. Chapter 6, randomized. Have fun reading and reviewing! Or I'll eat your souls! **


	7. You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Chapter 7: You Can't Always Get What You Want...**

**To my reviewers: What?!! Only two reviews?!! I thought we had something special!!!!! Makaveli and Kantwon get the culinary delights, the rest of you get NOTHING. Unless you bribe me, of course.**

**A/N: Um...I don't know what to say about this chapter. I don't own Tekken? Yeah, that's good. **

Jin walked into the kitchen of his home, looking for his parents. Lucky him, they were all in the kitchen! Anyways, he walked in carrying a bottle of C2 and a Rolling Stones album. (A/N: If this were a product placement, then I'd be getting money.)

"...What the hell are you doing, boy?" Kazuya asked.

"If the Coca-Cola company is right, then once I play "You Can't Always Get What You Want" and drink C2, you guys will all become cool." Jin responded.

"Boy, that doesn't work. Lee tried that and work didn't become better or anything, he just became immune to several forms of snake venom."

"...Really? Nothing?" Jin asked, disappointed.

"No. Now go be sad and pathetic somewhere else."

"Fine! I'm going to go write in my online journal!" Jin stomped up to his room.

Craig Marduk wandered around the city streets in a drunken haze. During this period of time, he shoved random people and told them he would "break their face." What a pathetic person.

"Hey, shut up!" The angry, drunk, dumb-face said.

No! You're on steroids!

"I am not a dumb-face!" The now-admitted-he's-on-steroids dumb-face.

"...I hate you."

The feeling is mutual.

Anna stood at a street corner, dressed in a slutty dress. The slut. As she stood for hours at the street corner, King pulled up. "Hey, baby. You lookin' for a good time?"

"Yeah, you know where the wrestling stadium is? I need to get there." King said.

"...What? I meant a different kind of good time..."

"...Ew, you're a whore." With that, King sped off.

Julia, in full costume, roamed around at an anime convention. She was very thirsty, so she decided to go the concessions, where to her horror, Eddy worked.

"...Julia? Julia Chang?" Eddy asked.

"Ahh!!! You're not supposed to be here!! What are you doing?!" She yelled, trying to hide her face.

"Working. Wow, I didn't know you were such a nerd, Julia..."

"Am not!!! I'm here on...errr...school business?"

"Yeah, and that's why you're in full costume?"

"...Sh-shut up!" Julia said, before running off crying.

Meanwhile, Hwoarang was at a football game for a really crappy team when Christie approached him.

"Hey, Bob." She said, smiling.

"...That's not my name." He responded, looking very annoyed.

"......Jake?"

"No."

".........Fred!"

"NO."

"...........Bill?"

"NO!!! It's HWOARANG, you BITCH!!!!"

Christie's lower lip wobbled and everyone in the stadium turned around.

"...Um....she's a witch?" Hwoarang said.

Everyone gasped and glared at Christie. They all got up out of their seats, grabbed her, and ran off, yelling "Burn her! Burn the witch!"

Meanwhile, a very troubled and insane teenage girl sat in her room, bowing to a shrine of Jin Kazama. I'll give you three guesses to who this is. That's right! It's Xiaoyu!

"Someday, I will make you mine, Jinny!" Xiaoyu said. At this moment, she laid down a map of the Mishima manor. "I strike at 5:00!!" A.M. or P.M.? Well, it's P.M.

Jin was doing exactly what he said he'd do. Writing in his online journal. Although, more accurately, it would be _Whining_ in his online journal.

"Hey, screw you!"

Look, the fourth wall has already been broken down once in this chapter, don't make me strike you with lightning.

"........................." Jin turned back to his computer, but before he could type anything else down, Xiaoyu opened his window and leaped through.

"Hello, Jinny." Xiaoyu said, seductively.

"........................" Jin had by now gotten used to Xiaoyu's repeated attempts to rape him, so he just did what he usually did. He walked over to Xiaoyu and pushed her out the window.

"Jiiinnnnyyyy!!!! Whyyyyy?!!!!!!" Xiaoyu yelled as she fell.

"Because I hate you!" Jin yelled back.

Tetsujin and Yoshimitsu were now on a plane headed for New York. Tetsujin was taking a nap, and Yoshimitsu was reading the newspaper. And everyone was staring. Yoshimitsu looked up from his newspaper at all the staring passengers. "...What?" The passengers all returned to their drinks, books, plans for world domination, etcetera.

"I hate people." Tetsujin said.

"...Yeah, totally." Yoshimitsu replied.

**A/N: Yeah, I know that last Tetsujin and Yoshimitsu thing kind of sucked, but...eh whatever. Leave me more reviews or I'll scream. **


	8. What? We Need A Title?

**Chapter 8: What? We need a title? Damn...**

**Disclaimer: If you still think we own Tekken, or any of its fine quality games wink then you, good sir, are a complete idiot.**

* * *

It was late at night when Kazuya stumbled through the doors of the Mishima household.

"Where the hell have you been, Dad?" asked Jin with a completely blunt look on his face.

"I'd only tell me if you had a million dollars!" said Kazuya as he stumbled in the door.

It had become extremely apparent that Kazuya was quite the opposite of sober, even with as little sentences as have been said so far.

"Oh that's nice, honey, we are about to have pork chops," said a completely un-noticing Jun.

"........What's 'at?" said Kazuya.

"She said we were going to have pork chops."

".......The who?"

"Jun, your wife...you know, the one who has lived with you all these years."

"Why you smart ass little brat!" said Kazuya pulling out an uzi, "I'm gonna haf to spank ya, good sir."

"...Umm sure you are."

"Damn straight, you better be scared," said Kazuya, passing out.

"Hey mom, you might want to—"but was stopped speechless by Jun, who had walked over to Kazuya's body and was stuffing potatoes in his mouth.

"Eat well now, honeykins," said Jun who apparently found it funny play with Kazuya's body as if it were a baby. "Open up wide now, here comes the plane" said Jun, accidentally shoving the spoon in Kazuya's eye. Thank God he was completely indifferent to the whole matter.

Jun stared at the spoon which had been wedged into Kazuya's eye and then made an angry face. "Jin, fetch mommy the pliers; you know the routine!"

"Yes, mother," said Jin scrambling off to go find the pliers. "Shit, my mom is stupid..." Jin muttered.

* * *

Bryan was having a bad day. He had no food, no drinkable water, and his dirty magazine had gotten wet from the rain the last morning. "Why, God, do you hate me so?"

A booming voice answered: "Shut up and eat your cracker jacks!"

"....I don't have any—" began Bryan.

"I said eat them, damn you!"

"Yes sir," stammered Bryan in scared....ness.

"No, not the line!" screamed Bryan. "I have only had two lines!"

Yeah, you sure did.

* * *

"KUMA!!! Let go of that!" yelled Heihachi.

Kuma made a grunt of acknowledgment and dropped a pair of dead rabbits.

"You remember what I said about that last time, don't you?"

Kuma stared uncomprehendingly at Heihachi

"....I TOLD YOU TO GO FOR LARGER GAME!!" yelled Heihachi ripping some hairs from his head. What a dumbass. "Go get some toddlers this time, you big, freaking oaf."

Kuma snorted and laid down

"If we don't have any food, we die, don't you get it??!"

"No," said Kuma

"......................................The hell?"

Heihachi, I totally agree.

* * *

A blinding light shot into Kazuya's eye.

"What? Where am I?" asked Kazuya.

Jun leaned over Kazuya. "Happy birthday!"

Jin knocked Jun away from Kazuya's body. "Mom, its not his birthday"

Jun put her hands to her face and began to weep like a 3 year old girl, stood up and ran. But she accidentally ran into a wall and fell motionless.

Kazuya, meanwhile, had went through his usual routine of rubbing his face when he realized that he was lacking one of his eyeballs

"SHIT!!" yelled Kazuya. "Where did it go?"

"Well the usual take the spoon out of your eye routine failed, so we hired that creepy guy over there to help." Jin motioned to Toshin. "I don't remember him helping you so much, as I do him having a great ritual of the demons and ripping out you eye and eating it. And that was really nasty."

"Hey Jin," said Toshin, walking up next to him.

"What?"

"Slap!"

".....Were you going to slap me or something? Because you sort of left out that part."

"I did slap you."

"No you didn't, otherwise I would have felt it."

"Oh, I see what happened. The lazy ass co-writer didn't include the 'said Toshin who slapped Jin across the face' bit."

said Toshin, who slapped Jin across the face.

Toshin sighed "Look, it doesn't work after I say it. You have to say it when I do it. Otherwise..." Toshin rambled on and I didn't feel like listening to him because he is a whiney bitch.

* * *

Yoshimitsu and Tetsujin walked around the city that they were in. They had no idea where the hell to go, but since a building called "Starbucks" seemed to be very popular, so they went there.

Tetsujin ordered some kind of coffee that can't be pronounced and Yoshimitsu saved him a seat. All around customers of Starbucks sat and stared with bulged eyes at the cyber-ninja that had walked in so casually.

Tetsujin sat down at the table and, since he has no mouth, took his warm mug of coffee and mashed it against his face, broke in, and stared at the table. Something was familiar about it. Although he could not put his finger on it (A/N: Haha, he has NO fingers.) he knew that this table was special in some way. Then he spotted it.

In the very center of the table were the words "B.D. and F.J. forever." Tetsujin made a grumpy noise and wobbled around the Starbucks.

* * *

**A/N: Read and review, lest ye be yelled at! **


	9. Insert Clever Title Here

**Chapter 9: Insert Clever Title Here**

**A/N: What?!! Only two reviews AGAIN?!! I really thought we had something. That's it. I'm dumping you. I'm just kidding. I love you. Let's never fight again! **

* * *

"Kazuya! I thought you were missing your eye!" Jun said, beaming.

"...This fic operates like a cartoon sitcom, woman! Any injuries sustained in the last chapters do not exist in this one!" Kazuya yelled, breaking down the fourth wall.

"...Oh...oops..."

Sorry's not good enough!

And the Mishima Manor exploded.

* * *

Nina was on her way to go kill some guy when she stumbled into a familiar looking robot. "Jack?"

Jack was lying by a garbage can, apparently thrown out. "They don't like me anymore...will you be my....friend?"

"...I'm actually on my way to go assassinate someone.

"Oh, come on. You know you've always wanted a robot."

"Well, yeah, but not a piece of shit like you."

"...Yeah? Well you're a whore."

"AM NOT!!" Nina protested.

"Are too!!" Jack fired back. Heheh, that rhymed...Oh yeah, and you actually are a whore, Nina. Polls agree with me.

"...You're all a bunch of butt-faces!!" Nina ran off crying.

...You'd think an assassin would have a better insult.

"Yeah, man, totally." Jack said.

...Shut up. And fireballs rained from the heavens and destroyed the one they call...Jack. And several other houses.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lee sat on the side of the street, after losing all his money since his robot sucks so much. Lee was now a hobo, wearing ragged clothes and having grown a beard even though he's only been out for a grand total of three days.

"Spare change?...Please? My robot sucks...now I'm out on the streets...please" Lee begged.

Several people just walked past Lee and said "Get a job" or something of the like. A few of them kicked him and kept walking.

"Why?!! Why me?!!" Lee shouted.

Because you suck.

"That's no reason!"

In the book of me, yes it is. Now shut up and eat your beans.

"...Asshole."

Oh, you didn't just say that!

"I totally did!" The stupid hobo said, before a meteor altered it's course and crashed into him.

* * *

Bryan was very proud of himself. He had made a raft to get off what he dubbed "Bryan Island." He was set to leave.

"Okay, I have my dirty mag, a coconut, a twig, and some sand. Now I can forever remember Bryan Island!" Bryan yelled. Just then, the tide came in and took his raft away. "Nooo!!! Damn you sea!! Always taking my stuff! It wasn't enough for you take Sapphire I and II, but you have to take III, a coconut, a twig, some sand, and my raft too?!!"

There was more but this is getting pathetic.

* * *

Craig Marduk's life is just getting more pathetic by the minute. Now _he's_ trying the C2 thing. He stood in the middle of the street, turned on the Rolling Stones album he had, and drank the C2. Instead of improving his life, it just made things worse.

"Hey, look! It's that guy that was involved in a scandal!" One random guy said.

"BAHHH SCANDAL BAD!! ANGRY MOB SMASH!!!" Everyone yelled in unison.

"...Eep." Craig said and ran off, the angry mob following. He ducked into a mask shop and walked out wearing a fake mustache. The angry mob stopped and stared.

"Wow...it looks so much like Craig Marduk...but it can't be...that guy has a mustache!" With that, the angry mob ran off in search of Craig, unaware that they had just passed him.

"Whoo! That was close. I guess I have you to thank, C2." Craig said, but he was then hit by a car and was killed.

* * *

Xiaoyu was yet again plotting to break in the Mishima Manor, but since it exploded, that creates some problems. Through her stalking power, she was able to pinpoint Jin's location. A hotel. She cackled to herself and proclaimed, "Jin-Jin will be mine!"

* * *

Jin sat in his hotel room with his parents and grandfather. "Dad, why did the author have to blow up the house?"

"Shh!! He said if we break down the fourth wall again, he'll blow up our hotel room!"

I heard that!

"See! Now you've pissed him off!" Kazuya yelled, slapping his son.

"Ow!! Dad, why do you have to abuse me?!"

"Because. Now shut up and wait for that crazy girl to come and try and rape you again. There's an open window over there." Kazuya said, pointing to said window.

"...Fine."

"...I knew we should have put you up for adoption. You're such a pansy." Kazuya left for his bedroom, leaving Jin in the living room area.

At that moment, Xiaoyu leaped through the window. "Aha! I have found you Jin-Jin!" She said, beaming.

By now, Jin knew the drill and carried it out robotically. He calmly walked over to Xiaoyu and pushed her out the window. "Stop following me!" He yelled after her.

* * *

Since I'm slowly but surely running out of ideas, we'll go to Tetsujin and Yoshimitsu. They stood in front of Mokujin Woods which had on "Open" sign on.

"...So...we're finally here."

"...Dude, you've been saying that for like, 10 minutes. Are you ever going to go in?" Yoshimitsu asked.

"Get off my back!!!" Tetsujin yelled. "I'll go in eventually!! I just don't know what I can do, since I'm just a giant metal dummy with no fingers and no mouth."

"Yeah, and I'm a stupid cyborg-ninja whose sword is glued to his hand. I've gotten over it, why can't you?!!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" Tetsujin yelled, running off, making noises that sounded like he was crying, but since he can't do that...yeah.

"Dude!! You're running into the middle of a street!" Yoshimitsu yelled.

"...What?" That was all Tetsujin got out before he was struck by a semi.

"...Holy crap!" That was all Yoshimitsu got out before Mokujin Woods was picked up by a large crane and dropped on Yoshimitsu.

Ha ha ha!! I did this the whole time and now they're dead! Sucks, doesn't it? Well, since this operates like a cartoon sitcom (see top of chapter), they'll probably be alive next chapter. Probably.

**

* * *

**

**A/N: Yeah. So, if you give me lots of reviews, you get cookies! I know this chapter sucked, but that's because I wrote alone. STOP JUDGING ME!!! **


	10. Hiatus

**

* * *

Chapter 10: Hiatus. (In which several characters die. But, hey! You know how I work!)**

**A/N: I haven't updated this since the dawn of civilization. Please, stay with me....I've got cookies...actually, I don't. I ate them all. Sorry.**

* * *

As Jin moved through the lunch line, he produced his lunch money to the lunch lady. 

"Alright, Jin!" She said, "Here's your crap–I mean food!" The lunch lady handed him his lunch tray, and Jin sat down at the nearest table. Unfortunately, by means of terrible coincidence, or by means of my hatred for Jin (Most likely this one), Xiaoyu was there.

"What the Hell?! How did you get here?!" Jin exclaimed, backing away from his tormenter.

"Aww, I just wanted to see my Jin-Jin!" Xiaoyu said, beaming.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I hate you?!!" Jin shot back.

"You're so cute when you're in total rage and slowly dwindling into madness!"

"Get away from me!!!" Jin yelled, finally snapping as he threw a chair through a window and leaped out of it. Unfortunately for him, there was a bottomless pit outside that very window.

"Hey, that wasn't there before!" Jin whined, falling to his doom.

Well, it is now. Sucks to be you, doesn't it?

"Jesus freakin' Christ! I hate you..." And his threats dwindled off.

* * *

Meanwhile, on Bryan Island...

"Alright, time to go! I've got my second raft, Sapphire IV, another twig, and some more sand! I'm set!" Bryan leaped into his new creation, only to discover that he had built it poorly, for it collapsed. And then exploded. And then the island exploded, after which his used-to-be- neighbors house exploded.

* * *

Okay, that sucked, we're going to check up on Kazuya today. Kazuya sat in his office, staring blankly at the wall, when his secretary came in.

"Mr. Mishima? The alien in sector 5 is still rampaging."

Yells of innocents could be heard from a couple of doors down. Kazuya thought is was hilarious, and had thus ignored it the entire time, as it was rather pretty to him. He was determined not to let this turd interrupt his free music.

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, just give him more wine." Kazuya said, obviously having not paid any attention to what the secretary said.

"...Sir? Give it alcohol, sir? Won't that cause it's rampage to–"

"I said give him more wine, now do it–uhhh..." Kazuya paused, staring at the secretary's name tag, "Cynthia! Get to it!"

"Yes, Mr. Mishima." She said as she exited the room.

Kazuya resumed staring at the wall, pondering one of life's greatest questions. "...What the Hell does 'Wang Chung' mean?"

In the distance there was the faint, but yet present, screaming of the secretary. "I love it when they do the really high-pitched yells, right before that thing sticks to their face...that is just hilarious, because...what is that thing?" (A/N: Yay! Deep Thoughts!)

* * *

The lovable soul-eating behemoth we have come to know as Toshin stood in a grocery store aisle, flipping through a magazine. After several minutes a child walked awkwardly up to Toshin.

"Why do you have green skin?" the boy asked.

There was then a long and rather awkward silence, then Toshin said, "Well, sometimes when kids are too damn nosy and won't mind their own business, a terrible monster is released upon people and starts eating souls of the greatest fighters ever."

The boy's lower lip quivered, and he began to cry.

"Oh, shut up." Toshin said, rolling up his magazine and slapping the boy with it. There was a lull in violence, then the kid stood up and started laughing as did Toshin and the child's mother.

What, you want a fancy explanation as to why this happened? Well, too bad. It just did.

* * *

Jin was removed from the hole he was dropped in, because I didn't feel like killing him off just yet.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, yet? What do you mean, yet?"

...Shut up and go along.

"...Fine."

Aaaaaanyway, Jin was now heading home. When he reached the newly restored Mishima Manor, his mother, father, grandfather, and his grandfather's bear were there to greet him. Ironically enough this was the residence of Brain's neighbors, and promptly exploded.

* * *

Meanwhile, Roger was desperately trying to fit in with the other kangaroo's in his animal kingdom. However, he was an outcast because of those damn boxing gloves Boskonolerlerler glued onto him.

What does this mean? Why do you care? Why can't we read about characters we care about, you ask? Well, shut up, I can't answer all of your questions. GOD!! YOU'RE SUFFOCATING ME!!! Just get off my back, will you?!!

Aaaaaaaaaaanyway...Roger was forced to make friends with the other weird animal- creations-gone-bad. Which means Alex and Gon.

Oh, my God. This sucks. Why am I still doing this? I had a good idea with the whole Roger thing, but now...I've just screwed it up. Please read on, I'm so very sorry.

* * *

Tetsujin and Yoshimitsu, now alive, decided to give up their dream of smashing the corporate wood giant known as Mokujin Woods. They were catching a flight home, but it was delayed, so they were waiting in the airport. Unbeknownst to them, the vast majority of the airport population was screaming and running away from them because, hey, let's face it...they're weird looking. 

"Shut up." Tetsujin said.

No.

"It's okay, Tetsujin. I've come to terms with my constant ugliness." Yoshimitsu said.

"No you haven't, you change looks every game. You obviously have a huge inferiority complex because of that."

"SHUT UP!! I LOVE ME!!!" Yoshimitsu yelled, bursting into tears. "Why are you so mean?!"

"...Because I'm a bitter dummy."

"...You're a stupid dumb-face!" With that, Yoshimitsu ran off crying.

**

* * *

**

**A/N: Sorry, I wrote this badly, so Jason helped me edit it. Which is good, because adding in his stuff also got my brain juices flowing. Review, or I'll eat all of the culinary delights I have promised you!**


	11. Why You Should Never Mix Sodium and Wate...

**Chapter 11: Why You Should Never Mix Sodium and Water**

**A/N: w00t! New chapter! REVIEW OR DIE!! (The author apologizes for this extremely short and profoundly stupid author note.) (The co-author apologizes for nothing, not even when he was eating your child.)**

* * *

As Kazuya boarded the subway headed for work, he saw his frequent fellow passenger, Toshin. "Toshin, why do you ride this subway? Do you have a job?"

"Yes, it involves me punching you in the kidney really, really hard." Toshin responded.

"Cool.........really?"

"No, I don't have a job, dumbass."

"Well, why do you ride the subway, then?"

"Because shut up."

"...Why are you so mean, Toshin?"

"I'm evil."

"Oh, surely you can't be that evil...I bet you don't have the heart to break this bunny's neck." Kazuya said, holding up a white rabbit. Oddly enough it also had a bow tie and a pocket watch which it checked every so often, usually saying something, like "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!" but that was really damn annoying. Immediately after he said that, Toshin took the rabbit and snapped it's neck.

"...Wait a second...where the hell did you get that rabbit?" Toshin asked, raising a suspicious eyebrow.

"...Um...I, uh...I found it..." Kazuya said, shifting his eyes left and right.

"...You capture small animals and carry them around with you, don't you?"

"...Um...there's my stop, bye bye!!" Kazuya said quickly, leaving the bus as soon as it came to a stop. However, he was now in Hawaii somehow.

Why was he in Hawaii? Wasn't he just in Japan? Those are thing you are probably thinking right now. Well, you should have learned by now that this story makes absolutely no sense. Shame on you.

* * *

Bryan awoke from a long slumber. His island had recently exploded, which sent him flying around or something. However, he wasn't dead. He was just poor and lonely.

Pfft, who am I kidding? No one cares about Bryan's fate. Let's check up on Tiger, shall we? I knew you'd want to. You're so good to me.

We're probably coming back to Bryan when I run out of ideas, though. So be prepared.

* * *

Tiger was at a–Wait! The idea came back to me!

* * *

Oh, wait...nevermind.

* * *

It was his big day. Tiger would be part of the FIDM Fashion Show. He'd go up on stage, strut, and then turn around and walk back. Doesn't that just BLOW YOU AWAY?!!!

I'm sorry. Anyway...Tiger. Right. Good! Great! Grand! Let's get going!

Tiger stood in line, the theme being of course...disco. Hell, he didn't have to change clothes for the damn theme. Funny how it was so convenient. Anyways, he had a girlfriend who was just before him in line. When it was her turn to walk out...something really freakin' weird happened.

"Wait!! Baby!! I want you back!" A mysterious voice from the crowd yelled.

"What? Who is it?" Tiger's girlfriend asked.

"It's me!" The man who belonged to the voice emerged, revealing...Dr. Boskonovitch!

"Bosko, baby! It's you! I thought you were dead!" The girl yelled, running towards him, her arms outstretched for a hug.

This whole confusing scene left Tiger completely hurt and confused. "Fo shizzle bizzle..." He said.

Everyone in the disco fashion contest whirled around and stared at Tiger.

"What the hell does that mean?" they yelled in unison.

"Damned if I know," said Tiger in a British accent and pulled a cup of tea and sipped it. After doing so, he floated off.

There was a silence in the club. They all stared in disbelief at this phenomenon. What the hell had just happened? Why had he suddenly floated off? Would the disco-ers ever find out? Nope, because we have plot holes.

* * *

As Jin sat in his seat, waiting for the Green Day concert he was at to start, he saw a familiar face...only that face belonged to a nerd who had fled an anime convention when Eddy recognized her. "Julia?"

Julia looked over and then moved to sit next to Jin. "Jin! Hi, I didn't know you liked Green Day!"

"...I don't. I'm here for the opening band..."

"........................WHY DOES NOTHING GO RIGHT FOR ME, SPIRITS?!!" Julia shouted. At that moment, a ghostly figure floated down in front of her.

"Alright, you know what? Shut up. We never get trouble from anyone but you. Always 'Spirits this,' 'Spirits that,' just shut up." The Spirit said. "I mean, half the time you are just calling on us to decide which food dish to order at Olive Garden, even though you always choose the same one. The other time it is because you forgot where your shoes were and you call on us to guide you to them, lazy ass."

"...Am I going to Hell, Spirits?" She asked.

"Do you seriously know anything about this religion at all?! It's not called Hell, you dummy!! Geez!! I bet you only say that crap because of your mother! She's a true Spiritite, unlike YOU." The vengeful ghost said.

"No! I'm true to my religion!"

"Okay, then who's the Spirit of Thunder?"

"...Thor?"

"WRONG. Go away, you stupid nerd."

And Julia ran off crying. Oh no, too bad for her, she just got pwned by her own Gods. Pwned like the n00b sh3 is.

* * *

"...Whatever." Jin said.

...............Shut up, Jin.

Bryan awoke to find Kazuya standing over him. "...Kazuya? What are you doing here?" He asked.

"We're in Hawaii, dude...your island blew up, along with our mansion. You were three feet away from land along, you could have just walked towards us. We always called out to you, but you kept looking the other way and thought your dirty mag was talking to you."

Brian pulled out the dirty magazine. "So, it was all just a hoax? I thought we had something special, but I guess I was just blind, blind with ignorance."

The magazine's "eyes" started to water.

"No, don't do that now, we're over." It continued to cry. "Buh… you knew I was just kidding; nothing can separate us, baby."

Kazuya stared. "You have no life, but lets move on….aren't you at all at all surprised by this?" he said.

"..........................Well, god dammit. Why are we in Hawaii?"

"Hell, I don't know. I got off the subway too early and now I'm here."

"I guess we're stranded here, then! Just you and me, buddy!" Bryan said cheerfully.

"...Dude, no we're not. Do you, like, strand yourself just to get attention or something?"

"...Yes..." Bryan said sadly.

"...You are a pathetic man. I'm out of here." Kazuya said, and as he did so, he leaped onto a dolphin. "Away, my dolphin! Swim like you've never swam before!!" And Kazuya sped away on a dolphin, leaving both you and Bryan really confused.

* * *

A few days after the incident surrounding the Brian conspiracy, Kazuya found himself at home. To be more precise he found himself in the shower. I know all you hot fan girls are probably trying to picture this in your heads, but please don't. In fact, I picture him in a business suit. Anyways, he was having a hard time at work, and he needed something extraordinary to save his job.

"Jesus, I really need something to save my job," said Kazuya.

Yeah, I know I just said that.

"So, I don't care, I just want to make everyone certain that they understand my position."

Suddenly a great idea came to him. He didn't know exactly why, but I can tell you why. Because he was in the shower, and all great ideas come when a person is in the shower. Benjamin Franklin invented the Fire Department why he was in the shower. All the great revolutionary heroes got in one giant shower to make and sign the Constitution of America.

Anyways, his idea was to make commercial space travel. Pretty damn cool.

He exited his shower, but then forgot why the hell he had gotten out. He stepped back in, and then remember that he must buy his supplies to make a rocket ship. He wrote it all down in the shower, and then bought the supplies. He spent 5 years in his shower constructing a space ship, which was not (conveniently) completed until the next chapter.

* * *

Lee Chaolan was now un-homelessified (which is a word I just made up) and on his way to a big showing of robots. He had wanted to enter Combot, but he was so crappy they wouldn't take him. However, he decided he would be a dick and show up anyway.

It was a dazzling array of robots. There were big ones, small ones, some that kicked major ass! But then Lee stumbled upon a familiar one...Jack-2.

Jack-2 was awarded a -10 for being the worst character ever, the end.

So sue me, I'm fucking tired.

* * *

Tetsujin and Yoshimitsu boarded their flight, after settling their differences about being extremely ugly.

"Tetsujin? Why are the peanuts so bad on this flight?" Yoshimitsu asked.

"Why is the sky blue?" Tetsujin responded.

"...I don't get that."

"...Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!"

"...What? Why are you yelling–"

"I AM NOT!!"

"Yes you are! Now stop that, you're being weird!"

"Am not."

"Are too."

"You're ugly."

"I thought we got past this!" Yoshimitsu yelled, tears welling up in his gigantic eyes.

"Well, too bad, bitch." Tetsujin replied.

"YOU'RE SO MEAN!!!" Yoshimitsu yelled, running into the bathroom, crying.

"...Knew that would get that sucker." Tetsujin said, cackling evilly. Since he was kind of a jerk, everyone turned around and threw their peanuts at him.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I wrote this at 1:00 a.m. So sue me. HA! You can't and won't because you don't know where I live! And plus you love me, right? Right. By the way, I got help by Makaveli in this chapter, she provided me with characters and a setting and I made crap up about them. For 2/3 of the time, anyway...**

**Also, if you want to know about the title...you shouldn't mix sodium and water because sodium is highly explosive with water. So, play safe, kiddies who didn't know that.**

**A/N 2: This is being written by Jason, the editor. He just wants to let you know, that anything you thought was funny was made by me. I especially want all the hot girls to know this, and I want you to know that I am the most handsome man who has ever lived. LN, he's ok, but he would die in a "pretty fight" against Jason. Thanks for taking this all to heart. Send me all your money and I will make more of this stuff.**

**A/N 3: LN would just like to let you know that Jason is stupid.**


	12. Spare System Activated

**Chapter 12: Spare System Activated.**

**A/N: Hello, hello! Since we are extremely poor authors, and the co-author coughed out his brain, we will do a Tekken Bowl Chapter! Whee!!! Don't you love us?!! no (For this special chapter, the author and co-author will be assuming the places of Ghostly Narrators 1 and 2.) (I still apologize for nothing.)**

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As you know, our beloved characters are at their respective...places...doing...stuff. But since this is a Tekken Bowl chapter, they are being ripped from their homes.

"...What?" Jin said, before he was sent flying away, (Like in that one movie, the Forgetted or something.), and sucked into a giant black hole that transports people to bowling alleys. He ended up where everyone else from the Tekken Universe was, including the newfound Roger Jr. (If you don't know...go to the Tekken Official website.)

"What the hell is that thing?!" Kazuya asked, pointing to Roger Jr.

"Your mom." Roger Jr. said.

"Now, now," Jun said, "someone has a little potty mouth!" After she said this, she began to scratch Roger Jr. behind the ears and coo about how "cute" he was.

"Ohhhh yeah," Roger Jr. said, "Scratch me harder, bitch!"

Jun gasped in horror and whacked him over the head. "Shame on you!" Following that, Jun pulled out her trusty Uzi and shot Roger Jr. to . She did this just so I didn't have to think about what the hell that kangaroo was going to do anymore. Plus, that thing was just creepy, and Roger Sr. is way cooler.

So, after that whole escapade, the Tekken fighters went into the giant bowling alley where Jinpachi Mishima sat. "I have summoned you all here to...........BOWL!!"

"Yeah, we pretty much figured that out already." Kazuya said.

"SILENCE, FOOLISH GRANDSON!!! Anyway, whoever wins gets twenty bucks, and whoever loses has to be my love-slave forever!!!!"

"Ewwwwwwwww!!!" Everyone said.

"Oh, fine. Whoever loses has to fight that guy." Jinpachi pointed to a large robot, which picked up a steel bar, bent it into a pretzel, and then dipped it in cheese sauce and ate it.

"Dude, Jinpachi, you aren't running this thing, you bastard! We are!" Said a disembodied voice.  
"JASON!! We're narrators, we don't actually intervene!" The much more awesomer and prettier author said, whacking Jason over the head. "Sorry guys, he has pneumonia, he's a little dumb right now."

"Fine, but you and I both know that Jinpachi really has no life and just cries himself to sleep, so he goes to bowling alleys and asks people to be his love slave." The awesomest and handsomest voice said. "This time he just used the word 'tournament.'"

"Oh, I know that, but for the record, he never used the word tournament." That better and prettier voice said. "Let's just get on with it. Continue, Mr. Dumb-face."

"Dude, that was totally lame..." The dumber voice said, trailing off.

Everyone just stared at Jinpachi and his Metal Pretzel eating robot. They were thoroughly confused, since they had been ripped out of their homes and were staring at a crazy guy and his robot. Plus the stupid voices having a fight, that was just friggin' annoying.

"Dude...what...what the hell just happened?" Jin said.

"Eh, just the usual breaking of the fourth wall." Toshin said.

"Oh."

"SILENCE!!" Jinpachi said. "I demand you bowl! Or else..." Jinpachi laughed evilly, pointing to a leather mask and the robot, who was still eating his Metal Pretzel. Jesus, you thought it would have been done by now, but that thing just takes its sweet time. In fact, it would really have to depend on the type of metal and—

"SHUT UP!" boomed Jinpachi.

Everyone immediately ran to the desk of the bowling alley and began to order their shoes. First, it was Toshin's turn. He was in full bowling outfit (which, in fact, was nothing more than his loin cloth and shoes.) He mumbled something about feeling stupid, and that the other people would look up his loin cloth. Every one reassured him that they would never do something like that, because it was so fcking . He also mentioned something about "snapping the neck of that guy."

Toshin rolled a strike, and everyone else glared at him. Next, Bryan was up. As he stepped up, his Terminatoresque vision screen came up, and across his screen read "Spare System Activated." Actually, I have no idea how you can roll a spare after a strike, so I have to admit it now…. I am so beautiful it makes me drunk and crazy to the point where I write down stuff that doesn't make sense. That, and also I have a facehugger attached to my face.

On an entirely different court people were wondering one of two things. One, how did a person bowl with boxing gloves on? Two, how did dinosaurs still exist? Really, they were quite confused, because neither made any sense what-so-ever. But trust me, it does. Who the hell am I kidding, this entire segment makes no sense, but that's ok.

After that, a certain Anna wanted to know how both the feats were possible. "Excuse me, sir, but how do you manage to be alive, for one, and bowl with boxing gloves on, for another." She said.

Alex turned around rapidly, and using the huge sickle claw, sliced Anna's stomach in half.

"Oh, I see," said Anna, and sat back down.

The rest of the bowlers sat with horrified expressions. That was one ugly wound, and it looked like it should have killed her. In fact, it should have, but somehow sluts have a power against dying. Don't you dare say otherwise, because I know what I am talking about.

After a bit longer in his game, Toshin noticed some music going on. He began to tap his foot to the beat, but it didn't end there. Awhile later he was bouncing back and forth his hair following creepily in motion. People began to laugh at him.

He paid them no heed. He was finally having the time of his life when he wasn't flogging some hobo, or not drowning a puppy. This was pure joy. But you must remember that a loin cloth can only cover so much, and when bouncing back and forth bits tend to go back and forth. The others watched in horror and hid their eyes, for this was a totally disgusting sight.

Kazuya was having trouble playing. It was because of the people on the sides of the lane. They were his fathers' men, who had tried to capture him many a time before. They stared eerily at him for long stretches of time, while he wasn't up, but when he finally was they began dancing and other things. It was quite distracting, and Kazuya never got a strike for the longest time. It was also due to the player controlling Kazuya's suck-factor. It was a 10, 000.

When he finally got a strike Kazuya exploded in happiness. "Woohoo! Eat that you—"

"GREAT, GREAT, GREAT!!" said a booming voice. Loud, crap-tastic music began to blare in the background.

At the same time that Kazuya got his strike, the Tekken Force began to clap. Unfortunately for Kazuya, these men seemed to have sub machine guns stapled to their hands. It turned into a gallery, and at the end of the ordeal Kazuya was missing a nose, 3 fingers, part of his hairdo, an eyebrow and a kneecap, not to mention Kazuya really didn't have any of his original body left; most of it was made of bullets.

Oh come ON. Did you seriously expect me to write an ENTIRE chapter on Tekken Bowl?!! If you did, you get a cookie. Those who didn't, you are stupid, and no cookies for you.

"Well, Toshin, Paul, Kazuya, Kuma, Bryan, and Jin are the biggest winners. I don't know if we can count Kazuya, because he may be dead." said Jinpachi.  
"Actually, I'm fine," said Kazuya, "My body is now kept living by near bullets; they keep my from spilling out of my body, like one giant tsunami."

"Um………….ok. The biggest losers are Anna, Roger, and Alex." Jinpachi announced.

"Losers, please wait over there." Jinpachi pointed to a dark room, lit with purple candles.

"...No way." Roger and Alex said in unison.

"Fine. Robot!!"

Jinpachi's robot walked over to Roger and Alex and promptly threw them onto a grill.

"That's right. Burn, bitches." The robot said in a monotonous tone.

Anna, however, was already in the room.

"Ew. Whore alert. Whore alert. Whore alert. That, and she has a gigantic gash in her, and your bed is cover in blood." The robot said, pointing to Anna.

"Shut up. Winners...duel to the death!" Jinpachi said. "Winner gets twenty bucks. And a fish."

"YES, SIR!" they all screamed.

Toshin immediately went insane and into his True form. He began to grill Kazuya. However, Kazuya was filled with bullets, and was unaffected. However, he was so freaking heavy that he was held to the ground by gravity.

"Only one way to get past my vast weight! Lightning screw uppercut!" he screamed. He spun around a couple of times and became engulfed in electricity. He didn't realize that electricity is conducted to metal and that he had just electrified him self to dead.

"……Well, fck" he said, and died.

Meanwhile, Jin had ran off to go write in his journal about how horrible his life was, but no one cares about him, so I'll just say that he exploded. Kuma had eaten Bryan's face, and then died from diseases Bryan was infected with on the island. True Ogre was the only one left.

"The 20 dollars goes to you, Toshin," yelled Jinpachi.

By this time Toshin was just a awesome, crazed, beast, so he grabbed Jinpachi and stuffed him down his throat. However, this caused Toshin to suffocate, and he whizzed around the room.

"Remember, he's just as afraid of you as you are of him," said Jun to an "about to his pants" Wang. Just a moment after this though was completed, Toshin came flying across the room, still with Jinpachi half-way down his throat, and tore off Jun's head. And that's what irony isn't.

Toshin died, and I (Jason, who made most of this chapter, more than 50 of it) am tired. In fact, the world imploded upon itself, and everyone was killed.

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N: Wow! A really really sucky chapter! Review or die. (Bullcrap, it's better now.) **

A/N 2: I wonder if I should make this into a TV show. (Jason)

**A/N 3: If you think that the story is now over since everyone's dead, shame on you. Reread the chapters before.**


	13. Obligatory Christmas Special

**Chapter 13: Obligatory Christmas Special**

**A/N: Hooray! You still love me...well except for that one person, but who cares?! Random poisoned baked goods for all!! Oh, whoops. Ate those as well...oh shit...**

* * *

It was a warm and sunny day in the Australian Outback, and Roger the Kangaroo hopped merrily across random freeways.

"Hop, hop, hop." Said the very screwed Roger, "I love to hop!" Roger dodged the traffic without even realizing it. Several people crashed and burned, and paramedics put an old, dead man on a stretcher.

However, Roger was too merry to realize the horror and destruction he had caused. Even though he was very merry, his luck ran out when a crazed wrestler wearing a jaguar mask plowed into him at one-hundred twenty miles per hour, and was instantly killed.

Merry Christmas, Roger!

* * *

"Asshole! Watch the road!" King shouted as he plowed over the now deceased Roger. Even though he was driving one-hundred fifteen miles in a playground, he still thought of the poor, unfortunate toddlers he killed as the assholes. What a prick. Merry Christmas, dead toddlers!

After running over more toddlers, he swerved into a parking spot and hopped out (Actually, he more-of drove into a Toys R Us and parked on an employee). He ran into the Toys R Us and immediately lifted an employee into the air and shook her violently.

"I need an Eat-My-Hair Elmo RIGHT AWAY!!!"

The employee cried and cried, and when King finally dropped her, she ran and called the police. Shaking and sobbing, she brought King his dangerous toy.

When King walked outside, he encountered none other than...Lei Wulong!

"Fweese!" He yelled, pointing a gun at King.

"No! I must get this toy to the orphanage!"

"You've already killed all the children in your orphanage!! Don't you remember?!"

"No! I've been hammered the whole day!!"

"Fine! I must resort to violence!" Lei shot at King, who did the famous Matrix dodge, but died, breaking his back bending over.

Now I know some of you are thinking "What the Hell? Lei sucks, he can't actually be successful!" Well, I figured I'd cut him some slack, because he got shot in the balls and struck by lightning in one of the previous chapters.

* * *

Asuka Kazama merrily skipped down the street, hoping to join with some friends for Christmas Caroling. Unfortunately, she realized she had no friends. She also realized she was homeless. So she looked in the phone book for anyone she might know. She stumbled upon the Mishima-Kazama-Other Guy family and skipped off to hopefully join their family.

* * *

Kazuya Mishima, Heihachi Mishima, Jun Kazama, Jin Kazama, Kuma the Bear, and Lee Chaolan stood in front of the ruins of their old home, complaining to the author, which means THEY'RE BREAKING THE FREAKIN' FOURTH WALL AGAIN!!!

"Well, sorry, but you keep blowing up our house! We get to complain!" Lee said.

However, since he decided to be insolent, Lee was sucked into the air, Forgotten-style, never to be seen again. Kazuya waited to speak until Lee's echoing screams died out.

"...Um...okay...so, can you just bring our house back?" Kazuya asked. "...Please?"

...........Fine, but only because you need it for the story. Don't expect me to be so nice next time.

And with that, a brick descended from the Heavens, striking Jin over the head. He was rendered unconscious until I need him back for more ideas.

"...We need a full house, and bring my adopted brother back so I can make fun of him and beat him up more!"

...Fine.

With that, their third house fell from the Heavens. As soon as it hit the ground, it exploded.

"Dude, what the Hell? We need a house that will moan moan moan, whine whine whine..." bitched Kazuya.

You'll have to ask nicer, Kazuya. Say pretty please with sugar on top.

"You guys are such bastards."

A second brick fell from the heavens, this time striking Kazuya over the head.

"Ow! Son of a bitch! Pretty please with sugar on top! Pretty please with sugar on top!"

And with that, the Mishima Manor descended from the Heavens, and Lee fell on the roof and rolled off to the ground. Somehow, he was unharmed, and just got up and dusted himself off.

* * *

After they had finally settled in, there was a knock on the door. "Answer the door, woman!!" Kazuya shouted.

Jun happily skipped to the door and opened it, finding a salesman at the door.

"Hello Ma'am! You look old, would you like some Miracle Cream?" The man said, holding up a container of shaving cream.

"...That looks like shaving cream." Jun said.

"Why, no! This isn't your ordinary shaving cream, it's Miracle Cream!" The man said.

"Hold on one moment." Jun said, closing the door. "Some dickhead wants to sell us Miracle Cream, Kazuya."

Kazuya looked up at her, astonished. "Did you just call him a dickhead?"

"Sure did. Got a problem?"

"...I love you again." Kazuya responded, then got up off the couch, and went to the door and opened it.

"Why, hello sir! Are you interested in mira–" The salesperson did not have time to choke out "Miracle Cream" because Kazuya had already turned into Devil and had ripped out his entrails.

Kazuya slowly dragged the man inside and shut the door. After adding the doomed salesman to the pile of dead bodies in their dungeon, there was another knock on the door. This time, it was Asuka Kazama.

"Hihi!" She said, with a large grin on her face.

"Hello!" Jun replied, smiling.

"My name's Asuka Kazama, and I figured since you had the same last name as me, I'd join your family!"

"Well, that's okay by me!"

"...Really? Just that quick? Don't you have to, like, sign papers to adopt me, or something?..."

"Pah! Fiddlesticks!" Jun shouted. "We don't have to do any of that stupid shit."

".................................."

"Don't tell me you've adopted another child, Jun!!" Kazuya shouted from another room.

"Yes! And I think we should celebrate by Christmas Caroling!" This resulted in groans from the Mishimas and Kuma, and gleeful squeals from Lee and Asuka.

* * *

And so the Mishima-Kazama-No one cares family went Christmas Caroling, the only three enjoying being Lee, Jun, and Asuka. Kazuya, Jin, Heihachi, and Kuma just trudged along and glared at everything. Even a small child, who flipped them off. Kuma responded by eating him.

After spending about two hours Christmas Caroling (and poorly), they came to the house of Old Man Jinrei. Old Man Jinrei was eccentric and crazy, and he usually shot trespassers on sight. However, only Jin knew his reputation, and with what has happening...he wanted to die.

Lee volunteered to go knock on his door, and Jin's probably going to Hell for not warning him. What a little bastard.

"HEY!!" Jin shouted, but the rest of his argument was cut off because there's too much fourth wall breaking going on here. That, and this chapter is getting fat, and to have a good sized chapter, that isn't overweight, you can't have petty squabbling.

Lee knocked on Old Man Jinrei's door, and was immediately blasted with a shotgun. As the rest of the family screamed and ran around in increasingly bigger circles, Jinrei chased them, twirling a bag full of bricks around.

* * *

Meanwhile, Bryan hadfound his way to another island,and washaving a really crappy Christmas. But who cares?

* * *

After they had escaped the grasp of a crazy old man, they stumbled upon Toshin's home. In the middle of a grassy suburb, there stood a colossal tower, surrounded by dried up riverbeds, dirt, and volcanic rock. Lightning flashed behind it, and a volcano behind it spat smoke into the sky.

"Oh my! It's lovely!" Jun exclaimed, smiling gleefully.

"...That's it. I'm out." Kazuya said, running off.

Heihachi and Kuma followed close behind him. Jin just stared in horror at Toshin's terrifying home. However, Kazuya, his deranged father, and depressed bear did not get far,for they were soon tied in chains and were strapped to huge slabs of concrete on wheels. Jun, Asuka, and Jin pushed them up the stairs, which was an incredible feat, seeing as how wheels can't go up stairs very well...or at all...LEAVE ME ALONE!

After fifteen hours of ascending stairs, they finally reached the top of the tower where Toshin was cooking something in a cauldron.

"...What the Hell are you doing in my house?" Toshin asked.

"We're going to sing to you!" Jun exclaimed.

"...Well, don't. Go away."

"Well, if you didn't want us to sing, then why did you let us go up your staircase, silly billy?"

"To push you _down_ my spiral staircase." Toshin said, his staircase suddenly shifting and going into the wall.

"What stairca–" Was all Jin managed to sputter before Toshin pushed him off the tower. Following that, Toshin shoved the all-too-happy girls off, too. They hit the ground at a terrifying speed. Though every bone in their body was broken, they were not quite dead.

200 feet above them, Toshin still was trying to shove Kazuya, Heihachi, and Kuma off the top of his tower. It took him two full hours before they were off his doorstep and hurtling towards the ground.

Jun and company laycrumpled and defeated.

"Well, at least we aren't dead, right?" Jun said, still in a good mood.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Now we have time to recover for the next chapter!" said Asuka.

Unfortunately for the three that lay on the ground, three more plummeted in the exact same trajectory as they had. They were all squashed underneath the slabs of concrete that were tied to each of their backs.

Several hours later Toshin had made it down his recently reappeared staircase, where Kazuya and his company lay completely unharmed, but held to the ground by way of the concrete slab. Toshin pulled out a big, blunt stick and proceeded to beat each one of them for an hour.

At the end of the 3 hours of beating, two were dead, those being Heihachi and Kuma. Kazuya was seriously hurt, but his connection with the devil kept him alive. Then his house exploded.

"Damn you! I HATE YOU ALL!!" yelled Kazuya.

A third brick fell from the Heavens and smashed Kazuya's skull.

Merry Christmas, Kazuya!

* * *

**A/N: Well, I've managed to write a dark and depressing, yet slightly funny Christmas Special. Merry Christmas to alllllllllllll of you. Now I have to go to the emergency room to get the poison cookies extracted! Hooray!**

**A/N 2: I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't believe me!! Whhhyyy didn't you believe me?!!**


	14. Man Eats Cereal

**Chapter 14: Man Eats Cereal**

**A/N: The title comes from Patton Oswalt's special "No Reason To Complain."** **If you watched it, you'd know that this chapter deals with Reality T.V. If you didn't, then shame on you, it was very funny. Oh well, no more of that. Here is Chapter 14!**

* * *

The Mishima-Kazama family (who had decided to disown Lee) were sitting at the dinner table, eating, well...dinner. There were several knocks on the door, followed by the doorbell being rang repeatedly, and then several muffled shouts.

"Answer the door, woman!" Kazuya shouted.

"Okay, sweety!" Jun said, beaming and skipping to the door. Ignoring Kazuya's angry glare, she opened the door only to reveal...DUN DUN DUN!! Old Man Jinrei!

He promptly hit her over the head with his bag of bricks, then cartwheeled into the kitchen.

"Oh! It's just old man Jinrei!" Jin said, stupidly. Like he says everything. Snicker snicker.

"WOO HOO!!! ARRRGHHH!!" Jinrei shrieked, then he proceeded to hop around and beat everyone over the head with his sack of bricks and eat their food. The entire family was unconscious, except for Kuma, who just growled and tore off his arm.

* * *

Meanwhile, on Bryan Island...

Bryan was enjoying his afternoon tea, for he had found a crate floating in the water. He was sitting at a long dining table and sipping his tea, when, fifty feet away, the water started to rumble. Bryan looked over, and out of the depths of the ocean, the mighty Godzilla rose!

"Oh no! The mighty Godzilla has come to destroy me!" Bryan said, his mouth not matching the words he spoke.

Godzilla slowly started to lumber toward the beach.

"Oh no! AAHHHH!!!" Bryan screamed.

Five minutes later...

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Bryan still screamed, even though Godzilla was still forty-five feet away.

Four in the morning...

Godzilla had finally caught up to Bryan, who was still screaming. However, Godzilla stubbed his toe on a pebble, and roared in pain. Since he was so angry, he spat his weird, blue crayon beam and burned Byron to pieces.

Bryan watched in horror as his tennis ball friend, Byron, was burnt to a crisp. "Damn you, lizard!!" He shouted at the fire-spitting beast. However, this just pissed him off, and Godzilla punted Bryan, sending him far, far away.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jin awoke to find himself on the set of...DUN DUN DUN!!! The Real World!! "Oh boy! Finally, I'll be able to talk to people who understand me!"

Jin realized that the room was filled with about 20 people who were either trying to hang themselves or were furiously scribbling in their journals about how life sucked so bad that they wanted to go hang themselves.

However, no one cares about Jin. If you do, then just stop reading this story, because it involves major Jin-bashing. Assuming you don't care about his experiences with whiny people such as himself, we're cutting away to Heihachi.

* * *

Heihachi awoke to find himself in a corner of a boxing ring, his hands tied behind his back. In the other corner was Jason of Friday the 13th, who was sharpening his machete.

"...Oh, shit." Heihachi said, watching Jason sharpen his weapon of choice.

In the center of the ring stood an announcer. "Today, on the most real really real real reality TV show, Jason Beats the Crap Out Of A Helpless Victim, we'll have Jason go up against Mishima Corporation giant, Heihachi Mishima!"

The crowd cheered stupidly, as it was filled with people who actually watch this shit. Suddenly, Jason stood up, and proceeded to inch towards Heihachi, wielding his machete.

"How do I get away?!" yelled a confused Heihachi.

"You're supposed to do the worm!"

"You people are a bunch of dumbasses! And why does he get a machete?!" Heihachi yelled, infuriated.

"Because we want to see you suffer!" The announcer yelled back.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kazuya, Jun, Kuma, Ganryu, Yoshimitsu, Toshin, and Mokujin all sat in a darkened room, tied to chairs, hands tied behind their backs, their feet tied together. They all stared in horror at one of the many TV screens in front of them, which showed Heihachi being chased by Jason.

"...Do they really expect us to do this?" Kazuya asked.

Immediately after he said that, a shadowy, phantom-like figure came into the room and dragged Jun out.

* * *

Elsewhere, Jun was sitting in a cabin with a bunch of other people, smiling gleefully. "How is everyone?" She asked. They all just glared at her.

After that, another announcer walked in and said, "Hey, everyone! Time to face your fears of werewolves!"

"What if we were never afraid of werewolves until now?" Someone asked.

"Shut up! Anyway, we feel that a good way to conquer fear is to make you face it by tying you up and letting whatever you fear have it's way with you!"

"That doesn't make se–" The same person started to say, but was cut short by the announcer.

"I said shut up! Anyway, here you go!" The announcer proceeded to tie all the unwilling contestants up and throw them in a bag. After kicking the bag several times, the announcer tossed it out into the woods, where a large werewolf picked it up and started beating it and throwing it around.

"Next up it's how to face your fear of being set on fire while being eaten by a killer whale."

* * *

Next, it was Kazuya's turn. Several thoughts raced through his head, _What will I do? Kick-box a slasher villain? Be beaten by a werewolf? Be stuck with a bunch of whiny teenagers?_

Another announcer grabbed Kazuya and pointed to a table with a bowl and a box of cereal on it. "All you have to do is get the prize out of the cereal box. Only you have to get it with your mouth."

"...That's it?"

"Yep."

"That's easy!" Kazuya shouted, smiling happily. Kazuya walked over to the table, and after opening up the cereal box and expanding so that he could fit his head in, he stuck his head in, searching for the prize.

To Kazuya's dismay, the prize was a bear trap. He immediately began running around, shouting and bleeding, for the bear trap had snapped on his head.

* * *

Kuma was the next to go. When he awoke, he discovered that he was wearing a suit and standing in front of several beautiful women.

"On the next episode of the bachelor, we take it up a notch! We'll see which one of these ladies can win the heart of a bear...and then survive the honeymoon!" Yet another announcer said.

Kuma was thoroughly confused by this. Bears are not good with confusion, obviously, otherwise they wouldn't be extinct….oh wait, that's dinosaurs. So he stood up, roared, and began to viciously maul everyone on the set.

* * *

Next up was none other than Ganryu, the sumo wrestler. He was put in none other than...FAT BOOT CAMP!!! A tall, muscular drill sergeant with a knack for yelling began to shout and scream at the overweight contestants (who were competing against their will.)

"AND IF YOU **EVER** GO FOR THE SNACK FOODS OVER THERE," the sergeant said, pointing to a huge table with donuts, cookies, cakes, and all other kinds of snack foods on it, "YOU WILL FACE THE CONSEQUENCES. NOW GET TO WORK!!" The sergeant finished, spitting in everyone's face.

After a long day of working hard, everyone was put to sleep with tranquilizer darts. Ganryu's fat managed to take most of the medicine, and was unaffected. However, Ganryu was sneaking around at night, and he went for the table. However, it was surrounded in trip wire. After pulling a Mission Impossible stunt, Ganryu slowly reached for a donut. However, once his finger touched the donut, several machine guns, rocket launchers, lazer guns, and other deadly weapons all pointed at him.

"Remove your hand from the junk food, fatty." A robotic voice said.

"Never!" Ganryu replied.

"Very well." Several of the guns cocked.

"...Sure thing!" Ganryu said throwing down the donut and running for dear life.

* * *

Next up was Yoshimitsu, who was put on The Swan. You know, that stupid, bullshit show on FOX that implants bad morals and ethics in people. (A/N: If you know what comedian said that, you're my new best friend.)

"Alright, skull-face, we need to work on that look of yours!" A random plastic surgeon said.

"........But...but..." Yoshimitsu stuttered.

"Hold that thought! Now we just have to get that sword out of your hand..." The plastic surgeon said, trying to wrench the sword from Yoshimitsu's iron grip.

"Actually, that's my robotic arm, and it's been stuck in that position ever since I got it. I can't let go of the sword."

"Well you have to if you want any progress done!"

"I don't, I'm actually quite comfortable with the cyborg-ninja look."

"NO YOU AREN'T, YOU WANT PROGRESS!!"

"Yeah, I am, actually..."

"There have been several people on this show who have said 'I like the way I look,' but I still think that they liked it when I took a searing how piece of metal to their face!"

"Umm, ok man."

"DO NOT DISAGREE WITH ME! We here at FOX now own your house, your car, your armor, your sword, and your soul for this season. SO SHUT UP AND AGREE WITH ME, OR YOU'RE A TERRORIST!!"

"Screw this, I'm going to CNN." Yoshimitsu said, walking off.

"...YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM WHAT'S INSIDE!!!...Aww, we lost another one...I need to learn to slow down and save the agenda-pushing for FOX News..."

* * *

Last, but not least, was our good ol' pal, Toshin. Guess where he is!

Wrong.

No, dumbass. Wrong again. BWAHAHAHA!!!

Fine, fine, sorry. He's on Fear Factor.

"Alright, let's get this new episode started!" The host said. "First task is to lay in a tub full of spitting Cobras!"

Unfortunately, three contestants were lost to the spitting cobras.

"Why didn't you guys stop after the first one died?" Toshin asked.

"Because we're all about suffering."

"...You sick bastards."

"Just for that, you have to knife-fight a bear on a shaky, five-hundred-year-old bridge that goes over a three-hundred foot deep pool of hot, molten lava."

"Son of a–"

No one survived that, except for Toshin.

"Dude, how did you kill a bear with a butter knife?" question a bewildered….host guy.

"Oh, we were supposed to use the knife. Sorry man, but I just punched it to death."

"Then why do you have a pistol in your hand?"

"Nevermind that. Send me to my next challenge!"

"Ok, man. Next Challenge is to drink a lake of gasoline!"

An hour later Toshin was dead.

* * *

Eh, who cares about Toshin? Nevermind, he's not our good ol' pal. Yoshimitsu and Tetsujin are!

"This. Is. CNN!" The deep announcing voice said.

"Hi, I'm Yoshimitsu. Today in the news we look at the plague of reality TV shows that have swept the country." Yoshimitsu said. "Let's take a look, shall we, Tetsujin?"

"We shall." Tetsujin replied, turning to look at a screen.

Footage was played of Jin whining, Jun being savagely beaten by a werewolf, Heihachi being chased by Jason, Kazuya with a bear trap on his head, Kuma mauling people, Ganryu being threatened with guns, Yoshimitsu being threatened by FOX, and Toshin knife-fighting a bear on a shaky, five-hundred-year-old bridge over lava.

"In related news, we have a poll," Tetsujin said, "'What do Americans think of Reality TV?' Fifty-percent said it's the best thing since sliced bread, and fifty-percent said it's the worst thing that's happened since Steve Martin did 'Cheaper By The Dozen.'"

"I'm Yoshimitsu, and this concludes our three-minute segment that CNN gave us so I wouldn't kill them."

"And I'm Tetsujin. Good night."

**

* * *

A/N: There you have it. The longest chapter ever. And it makes fun of Reality TV! Score!**

**A/N 2: I came up with the bear trap part, I get all the credit for it. **


	15. End of the Story

**Chapter 15: End of the Story**

**A/N: Well. This is it. It's over, so no more funny stuff for you. However, Jason and I are probably going to collaborate on a Half-Life 2 fic. And right now, Makaveli and I have a fic going called "Havin' A Blast." My chapters are the best. Oh, and your culinary delights...alas, they have suffered many casualties to me and Jason. As in, we ate them all. Hey, don't blame us if it sucks. We ran out of ideas for this. So don't sue, because we warned you.**

* * *

Heihachi was brought in before his own son, Kazuya, to be...fired. "You can't fire me!" Heihachi defiantly yelled. "I started this business! I own your soul!" 

"Actually, the devil does." Kazuya responded.

"...Well...do you know who the devil works for?"

"Yes, himself."

"Dammit!"

"Heihachi Mishima, you are sentenced to death by being thrown out of a window by a robot." Kazuya said, reading from a long scroll.

"...WHAT! I thought I was just going to be fired!"

"Hey, man, it's your time. ENOUGH INFIDEL. Don't give me that look."

"But...but..." Heihachi began to try the puppy dog stare, but since he's old and gross, it didn't work at all.

"Still death."

"Dammit!" Heihachi said. As he cursed at his son, a robot entered the room.

"ROBOT ROBOT ROBOT ROBOT." The robot said, stomping towards Heihachi.

"...It says "robot" over and over aga–" Heihachi was cut short, for the robot had picked him up by the legs and neck. "AAAHHH! AHHHHHHHH!" Heihachi screamed.

"ROBOT ROBOT." The robot said, before hurling Heihachi into a wall.

"ACK!" Heihachi said as he slowly peeled off the wall and slid down, cartoon-style.

"Robot! You missed! Try again, a little to the left this time." Kazuya said.

"ROBOT." The robot said what it was again, picking up Heihachi and throwing him out the window successfully.

"AAAHHHHH! Why did I have to make the building so god damn tall!" Heihachi yelled, falling to his death.

"TRINITY!" A voice yelled, flying towards Heihachi.

"...What the hell?" Heihachi said, before being scooped up by Neo of the Matrix.

"Wait a minute! You're not...Trinity?" Neo said, turning to the camera and raising an eyebrow.

"...How the hell do you get work?" Heihachi said.

"..." Neo dropped him and flew off.

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Heihachi yelled, falling further. Lucky for him, a movie stunt crew was placing a giant mattress in the middle of the street for no apparent reason. Even luckier, he landed on it.

* * *

Up in the main office room thingy where Kazuya and his robot threw Heihachi out the window, the robot had thought it's job was not done, and it stupidly stumbled out the window.

* * *

Back at the mattress, however, Heihachi was celebrating his landslide victory against death. "Ha! Now I can get back up and kill Kazuya! This day is mi–" Heihachi said, before being cut off by the 200 tons of the robot crashing into his old and feeble body. Needless to say, Heihachi was finally dead. 

Back at the office, Kazuya was checking his e-mail. He found one that said "here are those stamps u orderred." "What? I didn't order any stamps...or did I?" Kazuya said, clicking the e-mail and opening it. At the top of the page, in big, black letters, it said "Congratulations! You have a virus!"

"..." Kazuya stared at the page, contemplating what just happened. He turned to find the world falling apart, the women in bikinis and sporting giganterous boobies, just like in t eh interweb. OMG! IT'S AFFECTING MY SPEECH j00 n00b!

"...Well, crap." Kazuya said, staring at his beloved world falling into the eager and evil hands of debt consolidation, gambling, pr0n, and the world of people tricking you into giving them all your money.

* * *

As Jin was walking to Hwoarang's house, he noticed that all the women got hot and random objects were falling from the sky. He also noticed he had giant pectoral muscles and was holding a Swedish Penis Enlarger pump. (A/N: I'm sure you all know what that's from.) "Um..." he said, thoroughly confused. However, he noticed that he was now a He-man, and there were hot babes everywhere. "OAH...MI...GOD! T eh interweb is taking over!" 

Meanwhile, Hwoarang's house was turned into a geometric figure, missing the lengths of four sides. Also, Hwoarang was turned into a block figure which waddled out and made bizarre noises when speaking.

"...Sheeyit. Dat is some wack shit, yo." Tiger said, before being devoured by a Doom 3 zombie.

"Nooooo! T eh interweb has claimed el Tigre!" Jin yelled, before pointing to the zombie and shouting "j00 n00bz0rz!"

The zombie just growled and chased Jin around. Meanwhile, random people were escaping in their cars, towing their favorite bands with them. Hooray for us, the members of Good Charlotte had been dragged to their deaths.

* * *

Meanwhile, bootleg movies flourished and all went crazy go nuts. Allll thanks to Kazuya opening an e-mail. 

"Well, shit!" Kazuya yelled from inside his office. At this point, a giant text box appeared in front of him.

"Hello." It read. "Your system is failed. Delete? Change homepage to Or consolidate your debt? Gamble? 156498231y+wasd4213sd6578+1465!"

"...Um..." Kazuya said, blinking at the giant text box before him.

"Delete? Y N."

"No!"

"You have chosen to delete. System shut down."

"What! I said no! NOOOOO!"

"DESTROY." The box read, before dropping a gigantic Atom Bomb on the entire world.

As the world faced it's demise, raw footage of a giant mushroom cloud explosion was displayed.

Well, now it's all over. Hey wait, if the world ended, that means I–

**

* * *

A/N: Well, it's done. I don't think you'll like it. But whatever. Just leave me a review. T EH INTERWEB HAS KILLED UR FAVRIT FIC!111 **


End file.
